Category Archives: about Zara

My CP its not common to have, there are a lot things I need to figure out another way to do what I want in life, including talking daily. I don’t let anything get in the way. I have always wanted to do something out of the ordinary and I’m going to do exactly that. I’m going to climb a mountain not only that but is the highest in Colorado, my mind is going crazy I’m not one to act like I can’t do anything but I never thought I’d be going on a hike this big and now I am talking about this hike like is no big deal and IT IS A BIG DEAL because it would be possible if it wasn’t for the Lockwood Foundation. I’m going to keep writing about this til it comes because I’m beyond excited and also kind of nervous I have no idea what to expect.

I have a kind of CP that is not very common. It effects all my motions and my ability to walk, and talk well but with all that makes my daily life harder, I love it. I have worked hard to get where I am today. I have a great support team to where I live on my own. I am working on starting my own business to help others who have mental health problems..

I love with everything I have! What makes me happy is knowing that the people whom I hold close know just how much they mean to me. I love doing things for others, it is makes my heart happy, yeah my CP makes my days hard at times but I have learned how to deal with CP. I have so much love that it makes me want to help others.

As I think about what to write. What comes to mind is how blessed I am! If you didn’t know me and you saw me in the community I think you would think that I can’t have a good life. But I do! I do need help with everything, so I can say I have an amazing group of friends that help me daily. I live on my own! That is big for me, but I can do it because of all the people who have made me do things for myself and my family didn’t let me feel sorry for myself or any different from my brothers! It got me to where I am now I have my own life! I love it!

This is why I want to help others I have had some hard times that I had to overcome: I know what it is like to be different and to have to work extra hard just to show people I’m not that different I can do everythinng just like anyone else.

Sorry I haven’t been writing as much. I guess my mind has been other places.. I have been wanting to find something I can do outside of the house but I am starting to realize that it’s not that easy. So I need to start making writing something I do daily. I want to feel needed! I have been thinking a lot about others and wanted to be there for them, realizing that I am holding on to them too much,as if they make me feel like they need me but really I need to get into something else. How? I want to help others but I need to do it through writing because of my speech. I will get there I hope!

So I was thinking about how blessed I am! Being that I need support dally to get everything I need, there is not on my own i can use the computer to write that is all I can do without help! You are thinking how can I be so happy, I have my down days, but I’m happy because I know I can give back And I am loved! You may be different and you may need help as I do but if you are loved the way you are than what else matters!! This is why I write why I want to make a difference, why I love to my time to help others!

Once in a while you meet someone else changes your life or maybe you realize that.   I had this happened yesterday I was telling my friends about someone who meant a lot to me just taking about how I am doing whatever I can to save up so I can go there.   Now you’re going to think it’s not a big thing but the more I think about this friendship and the season in my life;  high school,  disabled teenager who was trying to get others to understand I could do anything I worked towards,  but I was lonely.  I had a best friend in my mom but school was terrible because I could not get the education mom and I knew I could do or true friendships.   One day going for a walk and meeting someone who needed my help it was a real beautiful thing in that season and then getting reconnected with this person and knowing how much things had not changed with us even after years.   You may not think about the friendship as life changing in the moment but when remembering it later maybe it did mean more to you just knowing someone took the time.

I have always had a strong faith and I have gave my life to helping others and God.  In saying that I know my faith can be better, lately I’ve been reading more faith books and really enjoying them!  Ever get this feeling where you want to do or know more about one topic or maybe even you know it could here grow.   Learning only can make us better, may be even help you when you are feeling like what you want to do is not coming to you.   Even just to give you a new outlook, for me lately I have been feeling kind of like I need to add something in my life.   But I don’t always get out so I am starting to see that my faith could use some work, reading devotionals every day, reading the Bible more while keeping in mind I want to be a mentor,   it seems right in this time my life with having a lot of new things I am doing and also trying that I want to grow myself mostly so I can grow in my business.  So if you are in a place where you don’t think you can make it through, start a decoration it helps!

Sorry I have not done a post this week; with the 4^th and my birthday this week got kind of crazy and went by so fast!   I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.  First off mountain experience was amazing;  I was able to see something I never thought I would get to do or experience; getting to be on the very top of a mountain .  Just amazing in more than one way,  I have always looked things that I want to do as a goal in which because of my CP challenging but I do it anyway,  like cp watch me.   Lol.  No but I don’t let it stop me,  my family and friends helps me if I get in that zone where I don’t think it can which sometimes happens!   Like getting to the top of a mountain because of a friend.     Who has started an organization to get people out; and really we were just taking about the idea of getting me up at a mountain thinking it would be a while before we could make it happen.  But he came back to me and said he was going to start this organization to get people out and he wanted me to help him/be apart of it.   So that it was a goal to get me to the mountain with a lot of help but it would happen!  Were started talking about what we would need to get us up to there,  soon what seemed like a lot of necessity things with taking someone in a wheelchair up a mountain,  he just ended up getting some friends together and said we are doing this now!  !  Not only did I get to do it but my friend took a other men up with us!   It was amazing getting to be on top of the world for a few minutes,   it seemed like the top of the world even though there are higher mountains to me I felt as if I could see everything!

I have been going to a place called Project walk for about 3 to work out, and I can tell a difference in body.   I need to work out, because just sitting the same way all day every day could bring more problems for me than I could hardly.   It could also decline what I am able to do on my own,  I could get even more tight then I get on my bad days.   Its important for me to keep somewhat lose but not to look at that I couldn’t hold myself up, my kind of CP is this; Abnormal muscle tone (muscles with too much or too little tone).   Many people with Athetoid cerebral palsy, like me, they can’t hold themselves up.  So in a way my tightens helps me to sit on my own so it can me; but it can get too tight where I can’t do anything so the work out helps.  All that to say I found out Project Walk is closing the program in Denver.     I’m sorry to see go,  but I hope something like it will take its place for those who need it!

Do you have a kind of disability that somethings you can’t do?  I went for a great hike this morning with a friend; and I got to thinking about something I don’t really think about too much.   What if I could walk what if I was normal?   I would be a cowgirl a hiker all over the outdoors.   I don’t know just something about being outdoors nothing more to fancy but give me my own ranch oh yeah good I would love it.   If you know me I don’t think you see me as a country girl,  but each time I get to go out away from everything I just love the feeling!   But I have a great life in town with a disability.   I would not think that I could go on hikes and I can and I love it so much!

I am a happy person mostly if you just read my blogs or have seen my facebook you would think I am so busy I have so many friends and people who want to do things with me;  I do have amazing friendships and family which I wouldn’t give up for anything I know how lucky I am!  But sometimes I do get down in a place where I don’t want to let others know I feeling a depressed and I know it’s ok to get down have sad days.  Here is a look in to my days and why I have been feeling a little lonely; it’s hard for me to get out when I want to, and I understand that my friends have busy lifes and it takes more for me to get out; I need to have an caregiver to take me, if my friend can’t come get me.  So I look at my aids as my friends and it’s ok, if I had all day care which I don’t, I don’t need to have any day health care but I sometimes want to just hang out for the day with them, but I know I can’t they are here to help me within the hours I have.   There are days when I am good being on my own and not going out ; I know I’m not going to my friends everyday but sometimes I want to have a friend call me and say lets get together but it doesn’t happen.  It doesn’t normally get to me but lately it has been.   I am grateful for everything I have and my friendships, but I do get lonely because I wish I could go out see friends who I don’t see very much I want to do more.

Nowadays it seems like we don’t know how to encourage people or be a friend and not expecting anything in return.  I like to be a little like that, I can see passed people who are hurting but they don’t think they are good enough.  But why?   Why do we think that being different in not ok, when we all are different if you ask me; I love it.   Knowing that someone might read my words and get one minute of place it is why I want to do mentoring.

Finding joy, hope and love in everything!   Many of you know my story and that I have cerebral Palsy I have a kind which is not that common.   I have been able to do almost everything that the doctors thought I wouldn’t;  they thought I just be able to lay basically but I have people who have pushed me to where now I’m pushing myself.   To living on my own and starting up my own business with the help of friends.  All that to say I know what is to stand out and mostly in high school I didn’t know what I would become; the thing I wanted to do I knew I couldn’t it but then I began to writing and it gave me the opportunity to do something I have always wanted to.  Just in a different way;  I am saying that being hopefully may be might get you to what you are mean to do with your life.

This week coming up my dance team is going to Vegas to try out for America’s got talent! My dance group is made of all different kind of disabilities; the founder is my friend and caregiver also a great dancer!   She wanted to find a way that people with disabilities to get movement and became an every week class named Dancing with Friends!   We all love dancing;  it’s so much fun; now we’re going to do big.   America’s got talent, I’m so excited for a week of lot of dancing and fun.

Life is not always easy,  but lately I’ve been blessed.  Living independently from my mom or family.   I have caregivers that came daily to help through the day,  but it’s different than having your mom do your care for me.  I have to tell them what I need  rather than being with family members who knows what I need almost all the time.   I have to learn how to keep the house going and many other things;  I am getting there.   I am very happy that I experiencing what is like to live independently.

I just got new AFO’s yesterday. They are going to make standing so much easier and walks, I am going to be doing a lot more work outs. I know I have to much uncontrollably movement to be able to get to where I could walk on my own. But it may help loosen up legs to make everything I do a little easier. I am excited

Why can’t we just do what our hearts is telling us to do?   It’s a question I ask myself when I listen to what my heart is telling me that I could do;  but I don’t think I can!   Or I don’t want to do it because people might think weird.   When I don’t care how people see me,  I should just do it, and see where the journey go on leads me to;  but no it is not that easy….  I want to love others so much to where I make them uncomfortable or think I’m crazy; when I should not let  others tell how to love.  But I don’t really understand how often we say I love you but we don’t really mean it, I do maybe too much but I am good with it.   Because there is not enough of real love;  it is so needed!

I was in South Africa for the passed few weeks, seeing family and old friends.   I went for my brother’s wedding and what a amazing wedding it was!  It was so special to have my close family together in the same room, even if it was just for a few hours!   It was the best part of the 3 weeks!   A few hours to feel everyone together was so spectacular,  I know we all have own lives so that that day will always be special.   I saw some old places I used to go to.   My school which was awesome.   I loved it all.   I was kind of thinking about if I could live there and still have same independence i have here but I couldn’t,  it’s not safe I  couldn’t be on my  own.   I hate leaving but my life is here.

My Cp or as most people think I got to be Ms. Wheelchair Colorado 2010, because of the way I see life with a disability.   I can say my difficulties in my daily life is not that harder than what you go through;  oh wait,  I need with most every physical education I do.   I have a harder time being understood and I can’t eat on my own or walk and I have movements;  you would think how can I do the things that I like helping others who are in need; because I can.   Helping others is the one thing I can do on my own and I know what is like to need help or just even just to be someone had to talk to.   I don’t think that my Cp stop me from having a life,  so what if I’m disability I can do anything I set my mind on!
I am Ms. Wheelchair Colorado 2010, I am still honored to be and I help put on the pageant for  4years now;  I love that I can help a other women who is in a wheelchair get that feeling of so what if I am in a wheelchair I can make a difference!

Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.~ Leo Buscaglia.

I think this is something I should work on;  loving people because I love to make people feel so special and needed.   I think that is what I am meant to do with my life.   But lately I’ve not been loving and understanding which I am going to change.  I would rather love people without them knowing than being all about me.

I have time to do this tonight, before my weekend and up coming days get crazy with a new puppy,  things could be a little different for a while.   But I’m so excited to have a puppy!   I pick him up on Sunday,  what a gift for Valentine’s Day!  Valentine’s Day is a day to show the people who you hold close just how much they mean to you!  If only we could do that everyday and not feel weird about it.   I love others a little too much, loving on someone who needs it or you just want them to know to know that they mean so much to you.   How do you do it? How much can you love someone without making them feel like you are weird?   I ask myself that question all the time,  because I just love so much that sometimes I want to do so much for someone to show them how much they mean to me,  forgetting that just saying that they are loved can mean so much just by itself.  So if you are like me,  just remember you can say I love you everyday you can just say that and they will know that they mean a lot to you!  Remember having love in your life does not just mean your boyfriend or girlfriend its for everyone thinks you hold close.  

Its coming up on one of my favorite holidays is Valentine’s Day and its not because I have a boyfriend or have been in love. I love Valentine’s Day because it’s a day to tell the people in your life how much you love them, its not just for people who are in love. I love the people who help my life that much more special. Maybe Valentine’s Day is me just for  boyfriends and girlfriends, but for me it’s means so much more; I love the people who have been there for me. Maybe more than I should, but that is who I am.  Love is everything. If you could have one word to describe who you are what would would it be; mind would be love!   I think we all have something that means more to us than anything else,  for me it’s doing things for others LOVING others!   !  So you get a big love message from me you now understand why.

Have you thought about why you do what you do?  Or why did you have that calling?   The other day I was telling someone about my blog and I realized the reason why I love helping people,  is because when I was in school I loved to go and spending time in the life skills class room.   Where the kids in there were just laying there,  they couldn’t even sit on their own or even eat without something to help them.  They were just there.   So I somehow started going there as a volunteer hour and soon realized how much I loved going and seeing those kids, they would always get excited to see me.   Then a few years later I helped someone without even realizing that they were not happy with who they were, by just being their friend mad,  that person came alive again!   I don’t want to do for it the money I do this because I love that feeling of’ helping someone who might look fine but really they are not happy, with who they are! 

Hey friends! Here is an article from where I ride; they did a small story about me! I thought you would like to read it!

How do you make someone feel so loved, without being too overwhelming.  When you can feel that more than anything else they need to be loved.  Love has a way to heal, there is so much love can help.  Making someone know that they are loved, when you can feel that they need to know that someone is always there for them!  If I could only help support someone by loving them I will!  So much of what life throws at us, we could handle it better I think if we knew how much just saying ”I Love You”, could make someone’s day that much better!  I sometimes think that I love others too much,  but  then I realize that no loving the people in my life who may need it;  its just something I do!   Loving people is what I know I was meant to do.   We all have something that we think it’s weird but if it’s calling us we should keep doing it!  

I was away last week at a camp for people with disabilities. I loved it so much,the people there were amazing, they knew that everyone who was there have different abilities but we were all there to do something fun and push ourselves, if you saw what the schedule looked like you would think that this camp was for ”so called normal adults” we did things like water rafting, rock climbing and cycling. It was great, I did it all last summer as well. I love doing those kind of things it’s stuff that I didn’t think I would like doing but loved it!

I can’t walk but it doesn’t mean I can’t think or that I have a learning disability.   I am physically disabled!   Sometimes when I am out with family, friends and or on my own,  I will sometimes get a person who will act as if I can’t think or they will talk to me in  ”baby talk”, if I am with someone they will talk to them about me!  I understand that some people are not comfortable with people who have a disability, but why?   When we all have some kind of difference we all have some kind of disability which is what makes us unique.   So why is it so weird that I can’t walk and I talk funny,  there is nothing wrong with my mind!   If you have questions about my disability you can ask me not the person I’m with. I have CP, so what!   There is so much more about me than just my disability!   

Life is amazing!  Something so little as being a light of someone can be so rewarding. I love knowing that I can make a differences in somebody’s life! This is why I do this blog, my is favorite gift loving on PEOPLE .  Life without love is nothing.  

I have so much to be thankful for this week,  it was my birthday yesterday and my day was amazing.   I realize more every year that gifts are not important as love.   The love I know I have in my life is truly all that I am wish for.   I don’t know how to decide it but it is amazing.   I am very lucky!   !

This time in my life I feel like whenever I want to say I love you, I feel like there is not enough ways to show that person how much I love them.   Its weird right?  I feel like there is a better way to show how much I love like there is something else I can do to say I love you but all I need to do is be there.    

All of my life I have been disabled.   I have to do so many things differently,  I move disabled I even talk differently.   Most of the people in my life have gotten to understand that even if you do things differently I still like to do everything,  I’m not afraid to try to do something than we can laugh at myself for thinking I could do it!  The people who I hold close see me before my Crazy CP as I like to call my disability. I have always needed to have help,  but my family and friends have always been supportive of my CP have never said I couldn’t do something just because I can’t walk.   Love has always been there  I have been through some hard times but knowing that I am loved is what has helped me become who I am today.   I love that I can help others, I think that’s because I have always felt loved.  Now I want to have the people who have been there for me,  I want to show them even more love.   I know how important love is,  so I am going to share it!

This week has been hard for me.   I lost my dog he was the best dog, he was my best friend and helper; he definitely knew when he was my aide dog. I still remember that first day when we were looking for a service dog.  My mom went to look at puppies and then brought some back to the van,  so I could pick out one but Skye came right up to me and gave me a puppy kiss he chose me!   It was so mean to be!   He was always by my side .  I would have to say ”Skye go” to not run over him.   After 14years its hard not to him.  

I have cerebral palsy which means it is hard for me to do a lot on my own,  I have to have help to do anything physical.  So it can be hard to get a job or even just do things on my own or without out the computer,  I know that sounds crazy but I could not do what I love to do which is helping others. Sometimes needing help all the time can be hard and make you feel very needing,  and it doesn’t seem you can do much when you want to be able to have something that you can do without help.   When I realized that I could write on the computer it made a big difference in my life.   I feel as if I could do so much more on the computer then I could before I knew I could write with it.  I know now that I can do something that means so much to me and I can make a difference in people’s lifes with my writing.