Category Archives: my thoughts/poems

What is life without people who you can count on? Do we all want that? What if you have a mental illness? You have to hide how much you are hurting, just because others don’t see or understand that your mind is designed differently. I know I’m not a psychiatrist or anything like that, but everytime I hear a story of someone talking about their mental illness and then having people walk out of their life because of something they can’t help or they feel a different way drives me crazy. I am going to find a way to break down that stigma.

These days suicide is high, we see people who have perfect boobies that is what should look like right? No wrong! We are just the way we are for a reason! As we are looking though Facebook or the news we don’t see how different people are; or if they have a disability. So we get picked on, because we are different or you are dealing with depression not to be lonely we hide it and then we feel worst and it could lead to suicide. Let it out just be you because there is no one like you!

Every person in the world has some kind of special need. You could even call it a disability depending how you view disabilities. We all need help, otherwise why are there so many people in the world who are different? In school and life, society teaches us to hide our differences and be the same to fit in. Most people will hide their differences to make friends. The second somebody knows you have a difference, they tend to see you as somebody who is not okay. It doesn’t matter if you are healthy and happy. I’m sure everyone needs company. To me, everybody needs to be themselves and show who they really are. It shouldn’t matter if you are disabled or if you have any kind of health issues. We all need to be able to tell people what we feel and have the confidence to be ourselves and be okay. Everyone is different for a reason. We need to be different to help each other see different perspectives. Again I ask you, why are we so worried about fitting in? Differences are needed.

You are different. You are hurting and no-one knows how to help! Because you don’t want tell anyone that you have a mental illness. Because it could change the way people see you. But just remember you are important and needed. There is only one person like you! Let people see the you that has been hiding trying to fit in, when you were born to stand out!

Love can mean different things to different people. I know for myself that I can love hard to where it can be overwhelming or seem a different way than I want perceived. Love can be very hard to feel sometimes, but sometimes it’s needed more than anything else. We also have, in a way, used the word too much. This can make it less meaningful. There are people that don’t love themselves, so they don’t see why somebody would love them. I love like crazy, and I’m not going to stop. However, I’m going to show it differently.

I am love!

I am disabled, I am going to inspire others!

I will change the way the world views mental illnesses and disabilities!

I am different, I can make a difference!!

Love you are words that we don’t say to offend, as if we are scared to say how we truly feel. When we are down and feeling lonely, we need to hear that the most! We need to be needed, supported and loved! Now days it’s more important than ever, because we are not able to be with our loved ones. So just say, I love you like it’s going out of style!

Hey everyone. I’m sorry I haven’t been writing a lot this year. I think I have lost my inspiration or maybe because this year has been so hard for all of us because of the virus. I just have not had that much inspiration. But this year has been amazing at the same time as being very hard. As you know, I have a disability that I can’t do anything physical, but I can say now that I have climbed the tallest mountain in Colorado, and now I moved into my own house, I’m trying to make it on my own without my family here to help everyday. I am grateful that I have a great family who built the place for me, but I also know that it’s time for me to be my own person. This year has also been hard because we can’t see people we love or go anywhere. It’s kind of weird. I can’t remember a year that I haven’t gone out of Colorado.

Mental illness and having a disability are along the same line. They’re both not easy to deal with, and people often don’t understand what it is like to have a difference. I have been thinking about how I could focus on one subject, mental illness or disability; I couldn’t pick just one for my business. They are both very misunderstood. Because I have a disability that makes me move crazy and talk funny, I have to work harder to make friends. I don’t actually know what it’s like to have a mental illness, but I know as soon as someone talks about having a mental illness, people run away. People also think it’s made up because it’s not visible. I don’t believe any of that. I want to find a way to start a movement to change the way people view mental illness. I know there have been different movements to change the stigma for women and people with disabilities. Why or how can we start a movement for mental illness?

The mind is like a book
With lots of different stores,
That makes up us.
We all have things that makes us happy
But for some love could be what is needed most to help, when they are depressed.
Love and understanding is what needed!  
9/19/20

Mental illness can be hard to deal with, but people do.  As someone who knows some people who dispersion I want to learn everything I can about mental health.  So I have been reading a lot about it, and it made me realize how much everyone could still understand about mental health.. is it worth it and needed! I am going to change the way we look at it and help those who hid their mental illness away just because people don’t understand.

 

Have you ever loved someone that the more you try to tell thecan\’t find the right word to describe how much you love them! Each time it gets harder.. But somehowm it’s like you can’t find the right word to describe how much you love them! Each time it gets harder.. But somehow you know they understand how you feel. So that is what you need to trust and stop over thinking of ways to show them,, they know!

Everyone has times where we wonder if we’re doing what we are meant for, if we can do more. During times of change is hard to find yourself but if you have support you will find your way..

Love is the best gift you could give someone! It’s the one thing that we all can give to help someone who is going through a tough time. Without even knowing how much you are doing for the person, they know you care.. These days we are dealing with more depression, more people who think they are not worth love or they are not enough: people who need to get lefted up.! Maybe you don’t think you can help them, but if you are loving them you’re helping them in more ways than you will ever know. So love others.

This past week was full of moments that I will never forget from the hike on the 4th, to getting a special weekend in Chicago!
Last Thursday I was able to hike up a mountain with my friends, which amazing to think that I could do it! I have always been one to think anything is possible if you put your mind to it, but hiking a mountain was out for me. But one of my friends who hikes all the time, said it would be possible to get me up a mountain! We started a group together for people with disabilities on hikes and camp outs.. For my birthday he took me to the top of a mountain! Amazing time and with an amazing group of people, I was going on a mountain hike I was just another person,. I was in a wheelchair that was pushed and pulled up to the top, and I was loving the new friends and experience. The next day I was up early to go to Chicago for my best friend weekend.. I was so excited. I thought I was going to make her feel special but she had everything set up to let me i was family! We got a tour of Chicago and a game which was fun! Then just hanging out with her was the best gift I ask for!

we all need love but there are many who need it much more than we know. they may not show it but you can tell by the way they act. Not thinking you could love them. But you know they have all your love and support!

Be someone’s light in the darkness! It doesn’t take a lot to show them you care. You might not think so but it could mean everything to them. It doesn’t need to be a big thing, just show someone they are needed and they matter to you.

I love when things come alive!  Summer days are coming, we can do more outdoors.  Or you can have new experiences which that is going to be my summer and  I’m super excited; with camp out, hikes, seeing someones who is very special to me and my brother is coming! Sometimes it can seem as if everything is coming true. I had not myself lately, sometimes we have these feeling that we don’t understand, there is so much that could explain why depression can be hard. I’m not saying I know what depression is like but I can say it comes when we have everything going right.

 

Love is very much needed, we need to share it more than we do. There is so much hurting people just because they have a difference that we don’t understand or we don’t think it’s true. Someone might be going through something and they also have depression which people with depression don’t want to talk about it: because it is a difference you can’t see it. So others that don’t have it, might think that someone who has depression might be acting, but it is not! So people with depression might hide it not to have to hear that they will be fine when they are hurting in ways we can not understand. So just be there and bring them love!

Someone somewhere needs you. Maybe you think of your life not as perfect, or maybe you are still trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. But you trying maybe is helping someone else get through whatever is getting them down. Maybe you are already helping them without even knowing!

I’m happy

Love to love on others

Sharing love and light is my mission.

Oh yeah I have Cp, but it doesn’t stop me from helping others!

life can be amazing between, having great friends, who are always by your side also knowing your difference doesn’t matter to them; you are supported during the times when you are going through a hard time, those times are when we need to know we are loved the most. when you are down and feeling as if your life is not going the way you had hoped; the feeling like giving up on your dreams. But having that person who has been there with you through those times is hard to come by. Believing in you could help more than we could know!

Happiness is like the sunshine it comes in the right timing. When you ‘ve had it, it’s a friend who has never left your side. It is your outlook on life! Know that what you are doing is what you are meant to do.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of different feelings from happiness, sadness it’s hard to explain or know what to do. Sometimes all you can do is pray. Through you wish you do more. Like take the hurt away from your loved ones: let them know how much they are loved but you know they will never understand. When it comes to showing people how much I love them, I cannot tell them enough. It’s like I think they know, I know what is needed is being there when they need you the most!

Love is the best gift ever

Time you cannot get back,

But the time you give to help someone you can mean the world to them

Loving someone more than you can explain,

Can be hard thinking they don’t know how much

But they do!

Love them and don’t worry if they know.

They do!

February is love mouth which makes it my favorite. I would say love is my word! I think there is not enough of it now a days, it is not just for your hubby or wife but anyone who gives you joy, support anyone who loves you just the way you are! So go ahead and go crazy write notes to everyone who has made your life better just by being in it!

You can get through anything!

During your sad times

Shine like only you can!

Know that you are special and you are needed iust as you are!

This new year, what are your goals? Do you keep the goals you make at the beginning of the year? I don’t normally set goals for the year, but I have goals that come up through out the year. But this new year I’m going to be setting goals for myself like to get to Chicago is a big one: I also want to get my business going, write more. We may not always keep goals, life gets busy we can forget about what we really want and just go for something that in the moment may make life easier but is it really going to make you happy?

I am going to try to make mine happen I really want to have my own business and I want to see friends in Chicago! Having steps to get there will help. If you take it with steps it can happen!

I have been thinking a lot about how sometimes there is not enough ways to show someone how much you love them. Though they think they have an idea, but you know they don’t. You try to do things that would show it but you can never really show it! We think it’s too much to be loving all the time, but really it’s needed more than anything else! Only you know how much you love someone and maybe you are like me: you want so much to show them but you might not ever get them to understand! All you can do is love them every second of the day like crazy!

We are different each person, so why do we think it’s not good enough! You may think the only people who are disabled are different,, no! Even if you are able-bodied you have a special need. So why do we think we have to hide ourselves in the hopes that someone will like us? We have things that might be keeping us down, why can’t we left each other up and light up each when it’s really needed? I think it would help those who don’t feel good enough, lonely and different, if we could looked at the difference between people and knowing that just a little more understanding could do more than we know!

I have been thinking about what I want for my business and how I think why I would love to be a mentor because I have the hope to help others, love themselves! It is not easy but you can! For me, it took me realizing that I am loved needed even if outsiders don’t think I can do things just like everyone else. I still have times when I get upset when someone acts as if I’m a child just because I can’t walk, but I try to think of the people who love me the way I am. We worry too much about what others think of us but who knows we might have more people like us if we don’t hide who we are!

We all have times when we don’t like ourselves. Maybe we have a difference that makes it harder for us to see that it’s ok to have hard days. I have a hard time be able to do things, I have been getting myself down because I was so tight that everything was harder for me to do! But I wasn’t sure how to get the tightess to stop, trying everything to help me, just so I could write. But I had friends around me telling me that it was ok I’ll would get back to normal. I thought about people who go throug depression maybe if they had someone like i did maybe that would be the difference they need!

Could you have someone change your life? I think yes and no. It is hard to think about but I think there are ways that people can change your outlook; but there times where they might not be in a good place to be open to have someone try to change them. We may want to or even just help someone through the hard time. You can only do so much. But the other side is if you meet someone who has a special way about them that could be what changes you! It’s more about if you feel like the way they act or just they have an amazing outlook, then you can say that someone changed your life. But you can not make someone change.

Life can get busy with work or as we try to make a new chapter in our lives. Maybe we don’t think we can do it but really what is stopping us. I think it is ourselves: i know for me each time I start to write I always have to make a decision to start writing and as I start It gets easier than if I just try to have what I want to write in mind,. Sometimes we have to go for it and see how it goes to see if we can do it or not!

Seasons, people can change and move on with life, not even realizing that they may forget about your friendship which normal but still hard if you are the one that feels the same.   Happens more than I want to say!   But I am going to write about the friendships that don’t change even if they mostly cities which really that hardly happens or it doesn’t last!   But I have been so lucky that I can say I have friends like that, and one who I know we are so far ahead and we both have different lifes and we don’t see each other that much but she is still close to me when I know she could have moved on but we are in each other lifes every day,  its means so much when you know they could have not kept your friendship but they do.   Just thinking about that.  As I know people don’t have that;  time can get away from us and it’s hard old friends when you can’t tell them you are going over but all you can do I keep close by messages and phone calls,  if they are that important to you it works!

If you have ever loved someone that you don’t know how to tell them how much it means to they are in your life!   Its like there are not enough ways to say how much they mean to you.   Even if you tell them each day; may be you just have to her there no-matter how or what, just be the person they can go to anytime!   It’s hard but maybe that’s the best thing they have;  is knowing someone is always there.   People don’t get that a lot,  its as if we have to be alone if we have any kind of difference.

Loving someone with all your heart

May be the greatest gift they have had.
Loving someone that much doesn’t happen that easy these days.
To focused on getting everything we went to have a great life

But really loving that way is what everyone really needs

Knowing someone is there, loves you no-matter what gets in the way

They will be there!
That is all you need to be happy!

Having goals, a dream can keeps us growing.    Even they will give us hope for something that could happen.   Something you know if you work toward it will give you happiness.  I have a big trip I am working hard towards it is one of many goals I have for myself including this mentoring business.   To help us keep growing and have the best lives we can.   Set a goal than working to get it, it is one good to live happily when you know you can do it!

I have a guardian angel.   She doesn’t think about it like that but I know there is no other way to describe it! Someone who watches over without being around you.  Its like knowing that they are there but we know they aren’t; it’s hard when you can’t be with someone that means the world to you!  But we have to, we find other ways to keep them close even if it doesn’t make it any easier.   But maybe thinking of them as guardian angel, helps.  I know many of you may not believe in angels but it just a thought that may bring you joy on the hard days!

This month is Mental illness awareness, this topic is near to my heart.   This blog is to honor those who live with depression,  or any other mental illness!   I don’t know as I would like to know about this topic because I think having knowledge on mental health could help.   I understand that people don’t was the tell others if they deal with depression or anything within mental illness as if they could get it,  or maybe they don’t want to!   Its like with my CP my body is always moving and I don’t talk right,  so others who do not know they think I can’t do anything for myself and the people who know me would think differently.   And nowadays I don’t care about if you like the way I am;  I have a disability so.   I can do whatever you do just in my way!     But for those who have mental illness; knowing you are special,  needed and loved just the way you are,  we know your illness is not you!   We know how hard you try to not let the depression get you but there are times when others could more understanding that it is not you!   The things others don’t get;  when all you want is love not to be put out over something you do,  not even knowing you do it.   If I someone in my life who had mental illness I would do everything else could to left them up.  Just because I know what its like to be on the sidelines ,  but people don’t want to help others if they have a difference!   Keep kicking butt; because you are special!

Life can be hard, sad and everybody has things they wish they could change in a way other.   We are all different so what it is the way we were made!   May be we could change parts but really there is a reason why we are the way we are, a reason for everything,  even if we don’t see it.   It might be hard to get through but you will.

Have you ever thought about how much people can make your word maybe you don’t think that people can; maybe for you its your job or something else.  But nobody could make it alone, having things that take place of relationships is not the way to live.  I’m not saying you have to a boy/girlfriend to be happy but any relationship that you have special bond with is what would help, during the sad, happy times just a person who you know is always right there to talk,  family of a friend .  But I feel like that nowadays  happiness is boyfriend  or girlfriend to find happiness,  no it’s not true yes it helps but if you are not happy with who you are.  Relationships won’t make you,  they can help but you have to be ok with yourself first before anything else!   Maybe you have children and to you they came first, but if you are not happy with yourself it won’t help them!   Or if you are like me where you sometimes get so helping others,  you forgot about yourself;  its me all the time!   But I also need to do things for me so I keep doing what makes me happy.   Yes I have some people who help me but I know I am ok with whom I am mostly and I am working on the things I don’t;  because this is all I want to do with my life is help otters but first thing is knowing that some days I need to come first,  or telling someone who I’m close with to help me thought whatever I am feeling.

Today I’m going to write about self-confidence,  self-esteem;  I  know it can be a hard one to think you are enough.   Its hard to think about the good and special things that only you are!  You.   There is only you; the people in your need you!   But ourselves thinks as if we are not good enough;  here an example,  each day I get to write I think I won’t be able to spell right,  even though I have people tell me I write well and I so love to help others it is my way to help others also sometimes I have to spell out a word so I can be understood.   So you would think I could be great at.  Actually not good at all but friends and others say I am good and writing in my thing,  but in my head I’m thinking I’m not!   So why still do it?   Because every sense I could remember I have wanted to help others and my CP to be understood I thought that I couldn’t do it because of writing and blogging I can help others but I have to write and write well I am sure I have mistakes, but I am seeing now myself confidence might need worked on a little and also while getting better but knowing that I don’t have to be a perfect writer to do something I love.   As I grow in my business I will get better.  But we are harder on ourselves more than anyone because we want to be loved but we need to be able to love ourselves before anyone else.   Starting with self-confidence!

I love sunny days when you can I outside and just let your mind wonder.  I’ve thinking about people who were there when I needed them, the people that are not family but somehow that friendship becomes more than just friends.  May be you are not one who believes in that.  But I can tell you if you started your life in a different country you would understand it.   Its not because it don’t love my family but when your life is in the other side of the world;  you being to see that family can be friendships that mean the most.  Friends who see you the way you are and that’s what truly matters.

It’s spring time an great season to grow within yourself.   I know this can be hard,  you have to want the rest comes with time and hard work.  I know I know that I want to learn and grow in some things in my life, such as writing, in my business and so much more than I think would help me become better at helping others.   What do you want to grow in?

This year I am working on having a job making my own career so that I can know what is it like to have money for me and have something that I can do!

Life does not always make sense,  we’re happy going through life without a worry than the next thing you know;  you feel alone or more different than ever.   And finding a way through the darkness can be the hardest thing.   I am happy person most of the time I do have my times.   But I can understand that there are so many things that could put you down.  I know that nowadays we are so worried about what others think of us to where it can really affect us, but guess what you should love yourself most of all!  Its not easy but you should come first before anyone!   You’re amazing loved special!

Sadness how do you get through it?   We all go through depression or if you don’t want to call it that because there is so much negative ideas about around depression that if you have it;  you don’t want to say it.   When you know if people knew maybe if they knew it wouldn’t be so hard but nobody understands that depression is an sickness.   But they don’t know how to help;  when really you could use love and understanding.