Category Archives: my thoughts/poems

This new year, what are your goals? Do you keep the goals you make at the beginning of the year? I don’t normally set goals for the year, but I have goals that come up through out the year. But this new year I’m going to be setting goals for myself like to get to Chicago is a big one: I also want to get my business going, write more. We may not always keep goals, life gets busy we can forget about what we really want and just go for something that in the moment may make life easier but is it really going to make you happy?

I am going to try to make mine happen I really want to have my own business and I want to see friends in Chicago! Having steps to get there will help. If you take it with steps it can happen!

I have been thinking a lot about how sometimes there is not enough ways to show someone how much you love them. Though they think they have an idea, but you know they don’t. You try to do things that would show it but you can never really show it! We think it’s too much to be loving all the time, but really it’s needed more than anything else! Only you know how much you love someone and maybe you are like me: you want so much to show them but you might not ever get them to understand! All you can do is love them every second of the day like crazy!

We are different each person, so why do we think it’s not good enough! You may think the only people who are disabled are different,, no! Even if you are able-bodied you have a special need. So why do we think we have to hide ourselves in the hopes that someone will like us? We have things that might be keeping us down, why can’t we left each other up and light up each when it’s really needed? I think it would help those who don’t feel good enough, lonely and different, if we could looked at the difference between people and knowing that just a little more understanding could do more than we know!

I have been thinking about what I want for my business and how I think why I would love to be a mentor because I have the hope to help others, love themselves! It is not easy but you can! For me, it took me realizing that I am loved needed even if outsiders don’t think I can do things just like everyone else. I still have times when I get upset when someone acts as if I’m a child just because I can’t walk, but I try to think of the people who love me the way I am. We worry too much about what others think of us but who knows we might have more people like us if we don’t hide who we are!

We all have times when we don’t like ourselves. Maybe we have a difference that makes it harder for us to see that it’s ok to have hard days. I have a hard time be able to do things, I have been getting myself down because I was so tight that everything was harder for me to do! But I wasn’t sure how to get the tightess to stop, trying everything to help me, just so I could write. But I had friends around me telling me that it was ok I’ll would get back to normal. I thought about people who go throug depression maybe if they had someone like i did maybe that would be the difference they need!

Could you have someone change your life? I think yes and no. It is hard to think about but I think there are ways that people can change your outlook; but there times where they might not be in a good place to be open to have someone try to change them. We may want to or even just help someone through the hard time. You can only do so much. But the other side is if you meet someone who has a special way about them that could be what changes you! It’s more about if you feel like the way they act or just they have an amazing outlook, then you can say that someone changed your life. But you can not make someone change.

Life can get busy with work or as we try to make a new chapter in our lives. Maybe we don’t think we can do it but really what is stopping us. I think it is ourselves: i know for me each time I start to write I always have to make a decision to start writing and as I start It gets easier than if I just try to have what I want to write in mind,. Sometimes we have to go for it and see how it goes to see if we can do it or not!

Seasons, people can change and move on with life, not even realizing that they may forget about your friendship which normal but still hard if you are the one that feels the same.   Happens more than I want to say!   But I am going to write about the friendships that don’t change even if they mostly cities which really that hardly happens or it doesn’t last!   But I have been so lucky that I can say I have friends like that, and one who I know we are so far ahead and we both have different lifes and we don’t see each other that much but she is still close to me when I know she could have moved on but we are in each other lifes every day,  its means so much when you know they could have not kept your friendship but they do.   Just thinking about that.  As I know people don’t have that;  time can get away from us and it’s hard old friends when you can’t tell them you are going over but all you can do I keep close by messages and phone calls,  if they are that important to you it works!

If you have ever loved someone that you don’t know how to tell them how much it means to they are in your life!   Its like there are not enough ways to say how much they mean to you.   Even if you tell them each day; may be you just have to her there no-matter how or what, just be the person they can go to anytime!   It’s hard but maybe that’s the best thing they have;  is knowing someone is always there.   People don’t get that a lot,  its as if we have to be alone if we have any kind of difference.

Loving someone with all your heart

May be the greatest gift they have had.
Loving someone that much doesn’t happen that easy these days.
To focused on getting everything we went to have a great life

But really loving that way is what everyone really needs

Knowing someone is there, loves you no-matter what gets in the way

They will be there!
That is all you need to be happy!

Goals

Having goals, a dream can keeps us growing.    Even they will give us hope for something that could happen.   Something you know if you work toward it will give you happiness.  I have a big trip I am working hard towards it is one of many goals I have for myself including this mentoring business.   To help us keep growing and have the best lives we can.   Set a goal than working to get it, it is one good to live happily when you know you can do it!

Guardian angels

I have a guardian angel.   She doesn’t think about it like that but I know there is no other way to describe it! Someone who watches over without being around you.  Its like knowing that they are there but we know they aren’t; it’s hard when you can’t be with someone that means the world to you!  But we have to, we find other ways to keep them close even if it doesn’t make it any easier.   But maybe thinking of them as guardian angel, helps.  I know many of you may not believe in angels but it just a thought that may bring you joy on the hard days!

Loved!

This month is Mental illness awareness, this topic is near to my heart.   This blog is to honor those who live with depression,  or any other mental illness!   I don’t know as I would like to know about this topic because I think having knowledge on mental health could help.   I understand that people don’t was the tell others if they deal with depression or anything within mental illness as if they could get it,  or maybe they don’t want to!   Its like with my CP my body is always moving and I don’t talk right,  so others who do not know they think I can’t do anything for myself and the people who know me would think differently.   And nowadays I don’t care about if you like the way I am;  I have a disability so.   I can do whatever you do just in my way!     But for those who have mental illness; knowing you are special,  needed and loved just the way you are,  we know your illness is not you!   We know how hard you try to not let the depression get you but there are times when others could more understanding that it is not you!   The things others don’t get;  when all you want is love not to be put out over something you do,  not even knowing you do it.   If I someone in my life who had mental illness I would do everything else could to left them up.  Just because I know what its like to be on the sidelines ,  but people don’t want to help others if they have a difference!   Keep kicking butt; because you are special!

Life can be hard, sad and everybody has things they wish they could change in a way other.   We are all different so what it is the way we were made!   May be we could change parts but really there is a reason why we are the way we are, a reason for everything,  even if we don’t see it.   It might be hard to get through but you will.

Relationships

Have you ever thought about how much people can make your word maybe you don’t think that people can; maybe for you its your job or something else.  But nobody could make it alone, having things that take place of relationships is not the way to live.  I’m not saying you have to a boy/girlfriend to be happy but any relationship that you have special bond with is what would help, during the sad, happy times just a person who you know is always right there to talk,  family of a friend .  But I feel like that nowadays  happiness is boyfriend  or girlfriend to find happiness,  no it’s not true yes it helps but if you are not happy with who you are.  Relationships won’t make you,  they can help but you have to be ok with yourself first before anything else!   Maybe you have children and to you they came first, but if you are not happy with yourself it won’t help them!   Or if you are like me where you sometimes get so helping others,  you forgot about yourself;  its me all the time!   But I also need to do things for me so I keep doing what makes me happy.   Yes I have some people who help me but I know I am ok with whom I am mostly and I am working on the things I don’t;  because this is all I want to do with my life is help otters but first thing is knowing that some days I need to come first,  or telling someone who I’m close with to help me thought whatever I am feeling.

Self-confidence!

Today I’m going to write about self-confidence,  self-esteem;  I  know it can be a hard one to think you are enough.   Its hard to think about the good and special things that only you are!  You.   There is only you; the people in your need you!   But ourselves thinks as if we are not good enough;  here an example,  each day I get to write I think I won’t be able to spell right,  even though I have people tell me I write well and I so love to help others it is my way to help others also sometimes I have to spell out a word so I can be understood.   So you would think I could be great at.  Actually not good at all but friends and others say I am good and writing in my thing,  but in my head I’m thinking I’m not!   So why still do it?   Because every sense I could remember I have wanted to help others and my CP to be understood I thought that I couldn’t do it because of writing and blogging I can help others but I have to write and write well I am sure I have mistakes, but I am seeing now myself confidence might need worked on a little and also while getting better but knowing that I don’t have to be a perfect writer to do something I love.   As I grow in my business I will get better.  But we are harder on ourselves more than anyone because we want to be loved but we need to be able to love ourselves before anyone else.   Starting with self-confidence!

True friendships

I love sunny days when you can I outside and just let your mind wonder.  I’ve thinking about people who were there when I needed them, the people that are not family but somehow that friendship becomes more than just friends.  May be you are not one who believes in that.  But I can tell you if you started your life in a different country you would understand it.   Its not because it don’t love my family but when your life is in the other side of the world;  you being to see that family can be friendships that mean the most.  Friends who see you the way you are and that’s what truly matters.

It’s spring time an great season to grow within yourself.   I know this can be hard,  you have to want the rest comes with time and hard work.  I know I know that I want to learn and grow in some things in my life, such as writing, in my business and so much more than I think would help me become better at helping others.   What do you want to grow in?

This year I am working on having a job making my own career so that I can know what is it like to have money for me and have something that I can do!

Life does not always make sense,  we’re happy going through life without a worry than the next thing you know;  you feel alone or more different than ever.   And finding a way through the darkness can be the hardest thing.   I am happy person most of the time I do have my times.   But I can understand that there are so many things that could put you down.  I know that nowadays we are so worried about what others think of us to where it can really affect us, but guess what you should love yourself most of all!  Its not easy but you should come first before anyone!   You’re amazing loved special!

Sadness how do you get through it?   We all go through depression or if you don’t want to call it that because there is so much negative ideas about around depression that if you have it;  you don’t want to say it.   When you know if people knew maybe if they knew it wouldn’t be so hard but nobody understands that depression is an sickness.   But they don’t know how to help;  when really you could use love and understanding.

You

Somethings you can’t get through without love!

May be your life is going on a hard road

Maybe you’re in a dark place where you don’t want to feel loved or worth it,

Someone who loves the way you are.

You think about all you are going through

Maybe no one wants to go through it with.   You are wrong!   You are so worth more than you think!
Times when you don’t think that love is there,  it is!
you are so worth so much more!   There is only one you!

Loving each other is the greatest gift!   I could not tell you anything else but not everyone feels that way these days.   These days you hear about war, fighting, and people who are alone; there are so many things that if you are hurting you don’t want to give love.   There is so much hurt in our days now that it’s all we hear; not about what gong good.   To me it’s not right,  I know I have my days where I get upset towards things I know that are going to help if I get mad at it, like it would make a difference if I get mad.  Than realizing that didn’t help also it’s not what I am, but wanting to be heard it just happens!  Thinking about the feelings when I get like that just because I have something to say and I feel like I can’t,  I know we all have things that hurt us may be more than we realize;  maybe we have pushed the hurt down to where we have forgotten that it is still effecting you.  I don’t know if that’s why we do love like we could why we feel that hurting others will help.   I want to make a difference in others lives but I still get upset at things I shouldn’t!

How do we find hope or find the way out of the darkness?  Do you feel as if you can’t get to a happy place?  Let out how you are feeling maybe to family or someone close, even just write about the feelings you have maybe just that will help.   Looking in yourself may do more than what you think it could.   Writing everything down could help you to not let what others tell you to bring you down.  Knowing that you can get everything out and no one will see until you can ready.

Do you believe in angels?   Do you see it in in others?   Maybe it’s crazy be I think that they are around us in the times we really need something to go good.   Look around you will see them!

The sunlight can be amazing, it brings us joy.  In more ways than we know.   That person who is always there, your family, your pets making you laughs when you see them pay.   Maybe you can’t see it right now there is too much hurt; don’t give in let someone in.  Maybe they can help or just help you find a way to dance again!

From someone I look up to.

This is from a very dear friend.   ‘’ Zara, has always been very thoughtful towards me. She cares about all of my feelings. When I was in need, as a Mom, she helped me take care of my kids so that I could do other things. They loved her and remember those times, to this day. I enjoy texting her everyday. She brings me joy.”

What is a friend who is always there?  An angel I think.

Life can be hand crazy and as time moves on,  we sometimes can loss contract with the ones that made us feel like we matter; when we needed the most.   They never forgot even if we did.   Then we get them back as if they were always been right there.   That is an angel.

Life is hard sometimes especially when you have a difference but don’t we all?  As I think about my blog and why I want to do this,  its because more people look at differences as something that we should be scared of just as if it can go away but really it can’t!   It is why we have each other to left up with other.   But we don’t when we don’t understand what the other person is going through, this is why I am wanting mentor and because of a coach because hiding who you are is not living in the best way.   Like I said before I am not a Dr but I understand being different and feeling lonely because of something I have,  cp.  It’s hard I get it.   If you have depression I want to help it would be in a different way;   but it is one of the difference I want to have a difference in!   I am still starting this but I can tell you this; I love helping people.

What is Love to you?   When do you feel loved the most?  Life is so busy with other things that do not make us as happy as Love can!  Sometimes it is easy to want students to make you happy but it doesn’t last like knowing that you are loved.   You, there is no one like you!   Nothing could be you; so don’t know that.   Someone who loves you, has the best gift of all YOU!   So forget what others tell you because they are wrong!

I want these next few mouths to be about giving back; I feel it more this year; I am not how or why but for me it’s better to give than to get.  I am going to go something!  Maybe it will be just on through writing on my blog. Going into the Christmas season and knowing how many people are hurting or getting by; I know I’m so lucky to have great support system that I can live on my own;  I am disabled and I need help with everyone just about;  but I can live on my own,  I have my sad days but I am happy. I want to give back !

I want to talk about depression, I think I can help this sickness but I can’t!   I or my reads may know what I’m talking about; it’s not like talking just being sad or hurting it’s much more than anyone who has never been depressed could know.   It’s hard trust me I have felt like that!   Yet this topic has been on my heart for forever.   I want to help people who have depression, disability, but mostly I want to design a community where every difference; will be seen!   I don’t have depression but I get sad, lonely and annoyed that I can’t do things on my own.  So in a way I do have these times when I feel happy because something in my life but I have love around me that is what helps.  Having people who don’t think about the things that you cannot do but look at what you do and just keep your spirits up  that is what is important and love.

It is disability/cancer awareness month, both of these issues I hold close to my heart.   First because I have a disability and being different is what makes me; me. I have known a few people who had been through cancer and are still with me.   I believe that all the sickness mental illness, even if you are lonely; everyone has some kind of difference disability.  We all need to have someone else in our world.   I know I talk about everyone having a disability a lot, but I think if others could understand that having a disability is not a big deal.   I love that we have an awareness month I am not saying I don’t I just think it should be more often!

Lately there had been so much sadness in the world a lot of people who have some kind of disability,  a disability is when someone needs daily help;but I think even if you are so called normal you still will need help sometimes.  So what makes it different if you have a see able disability, when you have an invisible disability its not always seen as a disability.   As if it doesn’t count the hardships someone goes through because of their invisible disability!  It means you are different and I think that’s awesome!  But there are not a lot of people who think like I do.   It annoys me!   Yes sometimes I wish I was normal,  but that would not be as fun!  Why are there people hurting?  Because today people just want to be seen as the same but we are not each of us has a difference.

There is so much I could write about but where to start.   I have a lot of different emotions and it’s not easy to get out how I feel.   Happiness,  sadness and I wish I could just love others and support them in a different way that I am.   Even though I know that is the best thing they need;  is just love.   Like there is nothing to help someone heal but I wish there was! its hard when you want to there for someone more than what you are able to;  but when you think it may be you are the one who gives them love and not expect anything but them to be ok.

Here is why I love loving on others.   Daily life can be hard, when you are different;  having a disability that people see before they see you its hard; they see you as a child or that you have a mental disability,  but then when you have a disability that nobody sees.  I think that can be harder because you may need help but people don’t see it or may not believe you.   Then it can make it harder for people who are hiding behind a disability,  depression is a disability that we think it can’t a disability;  I think its harder to have a disability no one sees.  I know there people who hide their differences because people don’t understand that everyone has some kind of differences.   So why can’t we help each other?

“No one wants to suffer. No one wants to be lonely. No one wants to live in fear. No one wants to lose everything. No one wants their heart ripped to shreds. No one want to be sick. And, no one wants to die. But these things happen in life. So the least we can do is be there for others, as we would like others to be there for us.” — Bryant McGill

How much do you love you!   You know that comes before loving others before anything else.   We were always told that we should love others first,  that is half true.   You have to be good with who you are and then it’s simple to give others.   We need to be first important but is not always that easy.  We forget that it’s ok to put ourselves first.   Are you ok with everything that makes up you?   Its hard to be able to say anything we are,  we like.   For me I like most of the time;  my cp gets me at times when I want to do something but I need to do it or many other examples but look for the things I can and everything else works out.   All that to say start with you,  put yourself first once in a while.

 

“Today I will tell myself that I’m lovable. Just because some people haven’t been able to love me in ways that worked doesn’t mean that I’m unlovable. I’ve had lessons to learn, and some of them have hurt deeply, but I can still love, and I still am loved.” — Melody Beattie”

Why do people feel unloved ?  It is hard to understand why there people  who don’t have that, when it is the most important feeling to know you are loved!   Not only that but it’s even better. Why does differences matter when we all have things that we need help at times !  It should not matter how different people are but it seemed to matter;  then it hurts.

Love is what makes us happy,  way fight for the things we love.
It is worth everything else!
Knowing that you are special,  needed cared for nothing could be better.
More than that love heals us just to know someone loves you.
We want to get to help us feel happier,  but we just need to loved!

The truth is anything, time,  relationships can change.   Not love not if it’s true,  a true relationship if it true,  things can change within yourself or that person but if you see them for who they truly are then nothing else should matter!   Love never ends!

Have you ever had a day where;  you wish you could be there more for someone?   That is where my heart is lately, and its not easy to remember that letting them know you are there for them no-matter what and how much much they mean to you,  every time you can;  that may be the only thing you can give them even if it was different;  giving love can help than anything else.   Life does not always give love,  sometimes it is the feeling people don’t always have.

What gives you the most joy?   For me, it’s helping others and loving others a little more than I should but it makes me so happy to know I can help someone.   I think now days we don’t love like we should;  we don’t like who we are so,  we hide ourselves thinking that it is better.   Not letting anyone in,  but when we are lonely or hurting.   We should let people look at us the way we are!

Why do you love more when they are far away?

Time changes almost everything except love!   Life without it is nothing.   I think it’s what helps us want to get up each day;  it helps during the dark times in life!   It is the sun when we need it most.   Knowing you are loved during the lowest times is really what helps everything came right, it might sound crazy but it really is that one thing that helps!

I just went to a friend’s funeral whom I never showed her how much I enjoyed her friendship because I thought she was healthy and would around for a long to come. It’s so sad and hard knowing that everything can change so fast. So be sure to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you always!

You are helping someone right now even if you don’t think so.   It might be thought your outlook, maybe textting someone just to let them know that they are loved may be your words are what keeps them going even if you think it’s not enough it is!   Always do what your heart tells you,  when it comes to supporting someone;  you can never go wrong if you know you can help do it.  There are so many people who are hurting or lonely and don’t  feel loved.  You can just send a simple text not knowing how it would help someone.   Giving to others in the best gift you can give,  and its needed more than anything else!    Just Give and Love!

Looking at the difference people trying to hide when we should able to be who we are.  We are all different which I love!  I don’t care if you have a difference,  if you are in my life it’s ok. Why push people who have a difference away.

Each day I want to make someone smile, not because I want anything in return its just me.  There are too many people who are hurting and have no one for support.   Its so easy to let someone feel loved,  special and to me it is the best gift!   I know what is it like to feel like you don’t fit in.   Its not fun.  It’s hard to know how to be a support for someone,  but if you can let them know you are there for them,  you might not know it but just that could be the one thing they need to get through whatever they are going through.

I am love.   I love to see others happy.
Life is about helping people to me.
It’s like the thing that makes me.

The greatest gift

A family is a given gift but some are different from others meaning in a way that you can decide that friendship is more than just a friend.   Your family is those who take you no matter who you are,  they can’t change you.   They are what help grow into your own person.   Yours does it if you have a good relationship or how much you see each other,  they are yours!   You move around the world,  missing them but start to learn that you can have a family outside of your own family and it does not mean that your family doesn’t matter because they should always be first in your world.   But having friendships who became like family,  means that they would do anything for,  they are there.   You don’t have to be something you are not,  that kind of friendship is the greatest gift besides from your true family.

How many times a day,  does someone tell you that they love you?   Do you feel loved?   We don’t think about how much love can make life better, or even just knowing that someone is there for you no matter what time.  We all have hard times,  hurting or feel as if we are alone.  We need to feel loved so much,  I think that is more than ever.  Look around and see how different our lives are now;  love is not at the top as it should be.   If you are depressed or goes through something;  it seems like you get pushed away like no one cares when you should feel loved and that you are cared for.   Its like we are too busy trying to have a good job,  enough money to make us happier,  but somehow the thing which could really make us happy we have forgotten that it is all we need that is love.