Love is not about finding the right person, but about being the right person by Bryant McGill

Listen, I know it is hard when you feel alone. There are many types of alone too. There is the type of alone where your life is empty with no real friends or loves. There is also the type of alone where your life is full of people, and yet you have no deep and meaningful connections or passion. Then there is the type of alone where people are coming and going and living their lives, and you feel like an invisible observer in an intersection, watching people who are happily passing by, living the life you think you want. Real loneliness can seem like a slow death, where you watch the flower of what you have to offer wilt, and the petals drop one-by-one unnoticed. Then there is the worst kind of loneliness; a feral type of desperation that leaps at every person who pays attention to you and will not let go. The healthy and happy people you want seem to run for their lives, while the damaged, lonely people grab on with equal desperation in a bizarre death-spiral into the darkest of the dark.

But have you ever considered another type of loneliness; a good and healthy, happy loneliness? Do you dislike yourself so much that you can’t stand to be around you? What? It’s boring you say? Let me tell you, if you are bored it is only because you are a boring person. Oh, you just want some companionship? That seems reasonable. Are you a good companion to yourself? Loneliness is really a wonderful companion that can show us so much about ourselves and others. Loneliness will give you the greatest chance of ever having a beautiful relationship with another person.

If you put a couple in a room together, those two people, as the only creators in that room, have the power to create a literal heaven between those four walls. So why do so many people create a hell? Let’s simplify and remove one of the people. Even one person, alone in a room will often create a living hell for themselves. They will fill the space with their doubts, fears, addictions, blame, worries and desperation. Have you ever been that person? Being alone will show you who you really are, and if you cannot get-on positively as the sole master of your space in that room alone, then you can absolutely forget about it after you add another person. You had better start practicing being happy when you are alone.

Nothing is worse than being constricted in passion, love, and raw potential when life could be so rich and beautiful by working as a cooperative team with a loving companion. Not having a solid partner in your life can intensify life’s struggle. You can only go so far alone. No one person can do it all. But to get a solid partner you have to be a solid partner. You can only attract and keep what you are, or lower. You must elevate yourself to the level of your higher hopes. Sure. You want to be touched, inspired and made to feel alive. But a relationship is like a bridge where you meet other people half-way. That means if you want to be touched, inspired and made to feel alive, you have to be touching, inspiring and bring the fire of your aliveness to the union of your companionship. You must live what you wish to receive. Because we are always growing, life compounds and magnifies what is already within us. If you are miserable you grow in misery, and if you are joyful you grow in joy. This makes self-love the perfect soil from which to grow love.

You see, people have some really crazy ideas about love, friends and relationships. They have the absurd belief that their friends, children, family, lovers and companions can make them happy. Love is by, for and about you, and it never had anything to do with another person. The love you bring to the table, is a way of living that you have been practicing in your life — and that love can be needy, controlling, selfish, conditional and desperate, or it can be confident, open, giving, unconditional, and secure. Your love capability is something you cultivate within yourself. Loving is like any other art-craft where the masters have carefully practiced and where the novices have languished in their carelessness. This is why some relationships look so beautiful, and some look so tragic — beauty belongs to the thoughtful; tragedy to the neglectful.

If your life is like a tragedy it is because you have been neglecting something — most likely yourself. All those happy people you see, they know something you don’t know. They know about a balanced type of relationship where they are selfish for the sake of others. You have to learn how to take care of yourself. Who you need, is you. It was always about, and for, you. You’re the one you’ve been looking for; you complete you. If you have never found yourself, the best place to look is in your loneliness, and rock-bottom is even better. Quit looking “out there” for that magical “something” or “someone” to come and rescue you from your tragic loneliness. Do you want to know what people love? People love passion; they love people who are happy in themselves; they love people who are going places and doing things; people love people who are confident and secure, but most importantly people love most those who love themselves. Love is not about finding the right person, but about being the right person. If you get love and attention that you are not ready for, it will not fulfill you the way you imagine. We sustain our loving relationships by loving ourselves. We are only fulfilled by love when we ourselves are filled with love. If you want the perfect relationship, start with the one you have with yourself.

Suicide

Ok, so suicide is the number one silent killer of good people! So if it’s a killer, it should be a big concern. But it’s not!!! That said, September is Suicide Prevention month . If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my family and friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all of those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares? Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my family and friends just for moral support. I know some will!!! I did it for my sweet Lil Joe and you can too. You have to copy and paste this one, NO sharing! I will put it in my comments so it can be copied.~I love you all!!!

15 Organic Tips For Dealing With Depression

Depression is an invisible illness.

You can’t see it. But you can definitely feel it…

Some days may be worse than others in that you may want to crawl back into bed and forget everything. Other days you may get up and be raring to go with whatever the day throws at you. This is because you feel great. Free of brain fog. Focused and alert.

However, if you have suffered many years with the condition. Brain fog is never far away and is not a nice feeling.

So how do we deal with it especially when it presents itself with anxiety too?

Many take Anti-depressant medication for the condition and this works for the majority. There is a minority who are unable to take it due to health reasons or simply due to personal preference. However if it is due to personal preference it is strongly recommended to seek advice from a GP or health professional first.

Having suffered for many years with the condition, I now wish to help others out of the darkness of depression, and into the light. It can be difficult, and yes we do need to help ourselves, it’s never easy. However, with the help of an understanding doctor- which is definitely a must- you can manage it more properly.

You may not necessarily use all 15 of the tips I am suggesting. You may decide to choose 2 or 3. Even adding some of your own. The choice is entirely yours.

15 tips to dealing with Anxiety and Depression with a little help from above thrown in for good measure…

  1. Spend as much time as you can outdoors. Even if it is sat in your garden or on a balcony. ( Not always easy when you are deep in darkness so the next one should help as they should encourage)
  2. Talk to your family members and friends. Make sure they are aware of the condition and where you’re at right now. Allow family and friends in to help you out.
  3. Try Bach flower remedies. 3/4 drops on the tongue truly do help.
  4. Eat cashew nuts. A great anti-depressant.
  5. Take long walks and or find an exercise which suits you. For example Yoga or Pilates or running and the gym whichever one makes you feel good.
  6. Talk about your worries. Don’t bottle them up. Let it out.
  7. Don’t be afraid to cry.
  8. Take a moment to do some deep breathing exercises. Standing or sitting. For eg: As you make a cup of coffee or tea and waiting for the kettle to boil. It’s surprising how much calmer you will feel.
  9. Do not listen to other’s opinions of you especially if negative.
  10. Stay away from negative situations, people, places and energies.
  11. Eat as healthy as possible. Lots of fresh fruit and vegetables.
  12. Listen to music that you enjoy and which makes you feel good.
  13. Find something which occupies your mind and will allow you to refocus for a time such as painting, knitting, crocheting or a puzzle book.
  14. This works very well even if you only manage 2 or 3 off the list. Make a list for the day. Write down the tasks for the day and tick off as you do them.
  15. Ask the Angels for help especially if you need help with a problem that may be causing you your depression. Remember though you have free will so you must ask them. Keep your faith.

Once you calm your mind and let others in. Family and friends and others who can and will help you. You realise there are others like yourself and that you are not alone. You must talk about your anxieties and how your depression makes you feel. Try also to surround yourself with positive thinkers and people who will help lift and guide you out of the darkness and into the light.

Find an understanding doctor or medical practitioner.

Depression can also take its toll on self-esteem and confidence which is another reason to surround yourself with loving understanding people who will listen to you and be non-judgemental.

If you do seek the Angels help remember that they are Gods messengers and the root cause will be uncovered to see why you are feeling this way in order for you to heal they have your best interests at heart and have a plan. Expect the unexpected. Expect to be guided to people, places and situations that you may never have thought of to help you.

And remember you are loved and are beautiful inside and out.

Original Article Source Here, With Many Thanks To Sharon Smith.

The greatest achievement for any human being is to love God, yourself, and others.
Love thyself. In the same ways that you hope others show kindness to you, show it to yourself. The same ways that you wish for others to love you, you must first love yourself. In the same ways that you wish people will respect who you are as a person, respect yourself.

Knowing who you are and your purpose on this earth is a very essential trait to achieve success. Without these things no matter what accolades a person achieves, they will mean nothing when being compared to honors they could still receive if they choose to walk within their purpose.

Be gracious and show gratitude for everything God has given you by giving back to others. Show that you are willing to grow by accepting that parts of you need to change, and actively taking steps to fix them.

But most of all, know that you are a special individual, and the world will benefit greatly from your person. Be you!

 

The things life puts in front of you sometimes, it can make hard to see why or to understand that everything we go through the a reason for it.   Even when it feels like  you have thought about taking your own life.  You can’t feel that people truly care about you.   Think again!   I don’t know what its feels like to think that taking your life would be better than living, I don’t know what it’s like to feel like no-one cares for you.   May be people don’t see what going on to know how to support you.  May be you are so hurt by people not giving you time,  you feel alone;  but if you look for love I’m sure that you have someone who loves you., Someone who you can talk too.  Life might bring you down sometimes but if you know that you are loved,  it will help.  

How do you make someone feel so loved, without being too overwhelming.  When you can feel that more than anything else they need to be loved.  Love has a way to heal, there is so much love can help.  Making someone know that they are loved, when you can feel that they need to know that someone is always there for them!  If I could only help support someone by loving them I will!  So much of what life throws at us, we could handle it better I think if we knew how much just saying ”I Love You”, could make someone’s day that much better!  I sometimes think that I love others too much,  but  then I realize that no loving the people in my life who may need it;  its just something I do!   Loving people is what I know I was meant to do.   We all have something that we think it’s weird but if it’s calling us we should keep doing it!  

You Feel Emotions Deeply? These Tips Might Help By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Associate Editor

Do you get overwhelmed by your emotions? You might be going about your day, and suddenly, an interaction sparks a strong feeling. Your fight, flight or freeze response kicks in. Your heart starts pounding, your muscles tense and your breath becomes shallow.

But your environment isn’t the only thing that triggers your emotions. Because you have a very rich inner life, your thoughts or memories serve as triggers, too.

Psychotherapist Joy Malek, M.S., shared the above examples. She calls individuals who feel emotions deeply and intensely “Deep Feelers.”

Deep Feelers also tend to be imaginative and sensitive, which colors the storylines they create, she said. Everyone creates storylines: interpretations (often unconscious) for what triggered you. Deep Feelers’ storylines are frequently filled with “rapture, despair, and everything in between.”

What causes some people to feel emotions so deeply?

Temperament may play a role. “[M]ost Deep Feelers are wired to experience the world first and foremost through their emotions. And this can create strong inner responses to life events.” On theMyers-Briggs personality test, they’re called “Feelers” (versus “Thinkers”), she said.

Deep Feelers also might be highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive people are especially susceptible to physical and emotional stimuli. (See here, here and here.) “For those with high sensitivity, strong emotional responses are natural and need to be processed in order to metabolize them,” Malek said.

Being a Deep Feeler is both a strength and a challenge. Deep Feelers are empathic, intuitive and attuned, she said. This makes them exceptional friends, partners and parents, she said.

“However, feeling deeply can also be a source of overwhelm. Being constantly and intensely tuned in to your own and others’ emotions can be overloading.” Malek shared this example: Your loved one is angry with you. You end up feeling an overwhelming sense of shame and failure because of the specific storyline you created about why they’re upset. Because of your anguish, you lose perspective and become consumed by fear and despair. You also believe that the relationship is irrevocably broken (which often is not the case).

Most Deep Feelers use emotions as a compass. They alert “them when something is wrong or [reassure them] that all is well.” For instance, if Deep Feelers are experiencing painful feelings, they interpret things as very, very wrong, Malek said.

“Because Deep Feelers need time to process big emotions, their emotional ‘pipes’ can get backed up. Then the feelings are just zinging around inside instead of being metabolized.” Here, it’s tough for Deep Feelers to imagine a time when they won’t be feeling this badly.

Below Malek shared five healthy strategies to help you process your emotions — so you don’t get derailed by them.

1. Take a break.

“When a big emotion hits, it’s OK to ask for time to process before discussing it with someone else,” said Malek, founder of SoulFull, where she offers psychotherapy, coaching and creative workshops. You might need time to identify what you’re feeling. Knowing your exact emotion helps you “bring clarity to the conversation.”

2. Explore the storyline behind your emotion.

When you’re experiencing a painful emotion, Malek suggested asking yourself: “What’s the storyline here?” At first you might identify all sorts of stories. But typically one or two will emerge as the most persistent, she said.

For instance, your storyline might be: “I’m not important to others,” “Everything is out of my control,” “No matter how hard I try, I always fail,” “People leave; no one will stay,” or “I’m not good enough.”

Just naming your storyline can help you gain some distance from it, Malek said. Identifying it also reminds you that your “interpretation is not the objective truth.” Understanding the root of your storyline minimizes its power, as well, Malek said. A therapist can help you explore what happened in your development to create this interpretation, she said.

3. Have a list of go-to distractions.

“Distraction techniques help [you] regulate intense emotions,” Malek said. When we’re in the throes of a fight, flight or freeze response, it’s hard to think logically and problem solve. Using a distraction technique helps you refocus while your nervous system settles down.

These techniques can be anything that capture your attention so you’re not ruminating about your painful feeling, she said. This might be playing a game on your phone or watching an interesting TV segment.

4. Explore alternate storylines.

“Once your nervous system has settled, you can begin to explore alternative storylines that will enable you to transform your perspective,” Malek said. She suggested asking yourself these questions:

  • What can I take away from this experience that will make me wiser or increase my compassion?
  • If I look at this experience in the context of my whole life’s story, what does this add? What will I say about it looking back 10, 20, 30 years from now?
  • How will I use this experience to understand and help others?
  • What qualities can I bring to this situation to give myself dignity and pride? For instance, these qualities might be courage, compassion and creativity. “Acknowledging the personal qualities, or resources, that one can bring to painful situations is very empowering.” For instance, you might consider: “How can I use courage here?” or “Could there be a creative approach to this problem?”

5. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness meditation trains our brains to stay in the moment, rather than ruminating about the past or fretting about the future. Both are big triggers for painful feelings, Malek said.

“Mindfulness also helps us learn to pause when we are triggered, and to hold our storylines lightly.” These make a big difference in helping Deep Feelers have more balance and not feel as blindsided by emotions, she said.

Malek’s favorite practice is something she calls “Cat Mind.” It’s inspired by how our pets use their senses to be fully present in each moment. To practice this, she suggested noticing your surroundings. “When storylines and painful thoughts slip in and begin to rev up your feelings, pull yourself back to this moment, here.” Refocus on what you see and hear.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling emotions deeply. This can be a good thing. But sometimes, as a Deep Feeler, you might get overwhelmed. Trying tips like the above can help.

awareness

This week is Suicide Prevention Week. We all need prayers and positive thoughts! May I ask my family and friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status to give a moment of support to all of those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my family and friends just for moral support. I know some will!!! I did it for a friend and you can too. You have to copy and paste this one, NO sharing Also: call 1 (800) 273-8255 for the suicide lifeline should you so need. Spread the love everyone xoxo you never know who you may influence.
‪#‎YOUmatter‬ ‪#‎suicidehelp‬

I love too much sometimes does that seem crazy?   Can we love too much?  I don’t think so, I know there is not enough love in the world.   We get into our lives and sometimes we forget that there are people who may not have anything that we don’t think about what we have as being a beautiful gift and there are people who might not know what that gift can do in life.   Love is the best feeling in the world, and knowing that the one thing that you could change someone who might be going through a hard time or maybe they are depressed and want to take their own life,  just be that one friend who loves on them in every way you can, let them know how much you care and that they can always talk to you.   That is the best way to help support someone. 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

— Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I am going to a leadership camp this weekend, I am so looking forward to this time! I’m so lucky because I have found out what I want to do with my life, help others it’s the best feeling ever!  This weekend will be about that, and how to open kids to see how amazing knowing the Lord  can be, I think and hope that I can learn something that will help me in my work here as a life coach as well.   I love that I can now spend my time writing in the hopes somewhere someone reads what I write about, and maybe it helps them feel inspired maybe just one minute. There are so many people hurting and don’t think that anyone   cares for them, I know I can’t help everyone, but this hurts me to know that there are people who don’t have love in their lives. I believe love is something no one should be without!

The storm is out there, and every one of us must eventually face it. When the storm comes, pray that it will shake you to your roots and break you wide open. Being broken open by the storm is your only hope. When you are broken open, you have a chance to discover for the first time what is truly inside you. Some people never get to see what is inside them; what beauty, what strength, what truth and love. They were never broken open by the storm. So, don’t run from your pain — run into your pain. Let life’s storm shatter you.

— Bryant McGill

Depression

Life can be hard sometimes, some thing like losing a job or finding out that the way your life will go changes.   If you are facing something that will  be life changing, it can sometimes lead us into depression we all go through it where the we know it or not.   It’s something that if we talk about it, we could help save lives. There’s so many people that hide because they don’t want others to know.  I know depression is a sickness that people are not comfortable opening up about, but it is important to have a good support team that you can talk to whenever.   We all need to feel loved sometimes more than others.   Sometimes life can get hard to handle without the people who you know will always be by your side.   Love is everything!!  Even when you feel like there is no love in your life there is always love!

Life is precious, and you are alive. Each day the sun rises, and it is a glorious new day, and you are ALIVE. Do not put your life on hold, somewhere off into the future, where you dream you will allegedly, one day, be happy, fulfilled and on your path of purpose. The only moment you have guaranteed is this very moment right now. Quit saying the words, “one day.” That day may never come. You have enormous power and enormous value. You can begin in this very moment living in the ways that humans were intended to live, which is to live in joy, happiness, with purpose, and free from fear, worry and doubt. Creatively visualize your future, and see yourself as a worthy and deserving participant of the abundance of your own design and value. The answers that you need are not in the external. They are IN you, as the unique value that is inherent in each unique soul. The value is inside of you. You can exercise choice in developing yourself and guiding your creative stream of energy in the world, in any way you desire. Every company has a human resources department because the only value in the created world and the real world, is the unique contributions that can only be made by a unique consciousness such as yourself. Realize your tremendous value and your unique contribution to the world. Look around you in this moment, and be happy and live with gratitude and joy. Live with desires, but not insatiable wants perpetuated by constant dissatisfaction. Develop a relationship and a deeper appreciation for your own unique self— the only YOU in the world.

— Bryant McGill

When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what’s inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what’s inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what’s inside.
~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

”Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved because they are emotionally and spiritually frozen. They recoil from or avoid affection. You will never meet a deep penetrating gaze from their shallow eyes; only a surface glance. They will touch your hand with their hand, but never with their heart. They will serve your body but not your soul. They can only connect with you through utility, but never passion. If you need cupcakes or a jar opened, they are perfect; if you need compassion or wisdom, you are all alone. They are only a person as society made them, not as nature intended them. They live life so perfectly but know nothing of life at all. They did everything they were told to be a good person but are hardly a person at all. They are empty. They are dead inside. They will break your heart if you let them. They are usually very judgmental. They see themselves as nice but are often mean and cold. They feel themselves superior. They think everything they do is exactly the way it is supposed to be done. They are repeaters. They lack original thought. If you challenge their slumber with awakened thoughts, they will panic and flee. They will make you feel crazy because they only believe what the masses believe. They are the embodiment of the masses because they have not become their own individual person. Individuation is an attainment of spiritual maturity — frighteningly seldom attained in today’s world. You cannot change these people. They are trapped inside of themselves; stunted. You will waste your whole life waiting for them to wake-up to the treasure of what you have to offer. You cannot snap them out of their sleep. Often, only a tragic event will possibly awaken them. Sometimes they awaken during a painful life transition. Some awaken on their deathbeds. Some sadly never awaken to their deeper potential for self-knowledge, intimacy, expressions of feeling and knowing love. Maybe you know someone like this. Or, maybe it’s you. Maybe you’re dead inside and don’t even know it.
Bryant McGil