why is there so much hurt in the world today?  We all have been through some kind of hurt.   People see someone who is different, that is all people can see that someone is different, it doesn’t matter if it’s little different;  so what does it really matter how different we are .  Does it? People make fun of others who are different;  why?  Difference is what makes us special .  Everyone of us is special.

A Hero

Who is a hero?

Is a hero someone who fights for freedom or can heroes also be the person who gives their life up to help others?   Being a hero means more than going to war; though it is a big sacrifice to leave the life you to go somewhere with not knowing if you will get the life you once had. Someone who has always put others first is whom I would think of a hero as well.

Communication Success Be ultra-effective at home, at work, and in the world by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

Author’s Note: The following is an excerpt from my book (click on title): “How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions – A Practical Guide.”

“I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness.”

— Jack Canfield

“Women are so unforgiving of themselves. We don’t recognize our ownbeauty because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to other people.”

— Kelly Osbourne

 

One of the easiest ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We may be tempted to compare ourselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money, or boast more Facebook friends.

When you find yourself envious of what someone else has, and feel jealous, inferior or inadequate as the result, you’re having a negative social comparison moment.

Habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices.

Two interesting notes about negative social comparison:

1.  Negative social comparison has elements of narcissism.

When we wish to look, be, or have like others, we’re not really wishing foreverything about that person, but only the idealized aspects of the individual. This idealized and grandiose perception of another is narcissistic in nature. Chances are, not even those whom your compare yourself with can live up to your idealized images of them. This is why so often when people spend some length of time with their “heroes,” “heroines,” “role models,” or “idols,” they discover that those whom they look up to also have weaknesses, flaws, difficulties and problems just like everyone else.

2.  It’s relatively easy to change from idealizing to humanizing.

For example, you may wish that you have the perfect career and a lot of money like your manager Joe, or the good looks of your friend Kelly, or a wonderful romantic relationship like Samantha. Comparing yourself with them might cause you to feel somehow “lesser.” But when you look at their lives more objectively, you know that Joe has health problems and family issues, Kelly is actually insecure about her looks, and it took Samantha a painful divorce and many hard lessons before she found a compatible mate. Looking at them from a more balanced perspective, you realize there’s more than meets the eye, and that they’re human beings with their own share of challenges like you.

The Buddha reminds us that the four conditions in life which cause suffering are: birth, aging, illness, and death. No one, no matter how powerful, successful, wealthy, or fabulous they seem on the outside, can escape these truths. This effectively makes ALL of us equal. What’s left, then, are values which truly make our brief existence on this earth worthwhile: self-acceptance, quality relationships, and a meaningful life’s purpose. For each of these, the answers and our ability to realize them come from WITHIN. No external accomplishments, privileges, entitlements or materialism alone can achieve them. No superficial status, ranks, stations, or possessions are required to realize them.

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!” 

— Jennie Finch

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

― Thich Nhat Hanh

For more in-depth tools on reducing or eliminating disempowering attitudes and feelings, see my book (click on title): “How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions – A Practical Guide.”

For more on finding your life’s purpose and relationship success, see my publicaitons “The Seven Keys to Life Success” and “Seven Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success.”

5 Ways to Make Anyone Feel Special
Spread the warmth, for their sake and yours.
Published on July 19, 2014 by Isadora Alman, MFT in Sex & Sociability
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ShutterstockIn a new relationship or one seasoned by time, for a female or male friend or relative, young or old, same sex or other, the desire to feel appreciated is universal, and the means of showing that you care are available to everyone. Is there someone you would like to please, someone whom you would love to have think of you warmly? Choose one of the following. Heck, choose ALL of the following. I promise you the deed will be worth the doing:
Give small “just-for-you” presents. Whether it’s a candy bar you know the other likes or a paperback book you found at a garage sale, it really is all about the adage that it’s the thought that counts.
Make it a point to slightly touch him or her often. Nothing intimate; just an enthusiastic hug of pleasure when you greet or part; a casual touch on the shoulder as you pass; a friendly squeeze of the arm as you walk side-by-side. Many studies have shown the power of touch to boost people’s mood and sense of connection; one paper found that even the most fleeting touch of the fingers when a librarian returned a reader’s card made the customer remember the library visit as a more pleasant experience (thought without ever realizing why).
Share a warm memory of the other person with him or her. I was thinking the other day about the time I saw you… Knowing that you are noticed, remembered, or thought of, is wonderfully flattering to anyone.
Make something. Whatever your talent, employ it to create something that will make someone feel special and appreciated. If you can cook, invite the friend for a home-cooked dinner or tea with your own baked treat. Such gestures are long-remembered: A man in my life long ago made me a meal that had almonds in everything—the salad, the main dish, and the dessert, all because I casually mentioned when we first met that I liked them. Needless to say, the fact that he took such a casual comment to heart impressed me even more than the meal. Similarly, a folded paper crane made by a young relative just learning origami has had pride of place on my desk for more than a year and always makes me smile.
Plan an event. A friend once picked me up at work for an arranged lunch date and brought a blanket and packed basket for a picnic with everything—including (chocolate-covered) ants, an experience in themselves! What might have been a rushed workday meal in a crowded food court became a memorable event. This was almost 50 years ago. How many lunches have I eaten with friends in the intervening years I couldn’t guess but this one stands out and so does the person who arranged it.
Many times over our lives, hopefully, we have been made to feel special through such gestures as these. We should all hope that we have spread as much warmth around through our own thoughtful acts, and will continue to do so, as well.

Behind the Smile


“His poetry is lyrical, tender and profoundly moving…It is how those of us with depression live; adrift in the dark depths but forever struggling to the sunlit shallows.” Sally Brampton, author of Shoot the Damn Dog.

At Depression Alliance we’re celebrating the latest critically acclaimed anthology from poet Stan Frith, who tragically lost his son Jason after a four year battle with depression. With all profits from the book being donated to our life-saving work, Behind the Smile explores themes of love, shame and our understanding of life, and is a must-read for all families affected by depression. Buy a copy today from the JustGiving page and let’s end the loneliness and isolation of depression together.

what love should be?

I think of you day and night. All my dreams are about you. All my fantasies are about you. You are in all my love poems and all my love songs. I feel you in every love story I read. I can never stop loving you and no situation in my life can stop me from loving you. If I get a billion dollars I would build a dream house for you and me. If I get to go on a tour around the world I would take you with me to fall in love with you in every nook and corner of the world.. If I could have a superpower I would time freeze the moment when you kiss me. If I get to time travel I would take you with me in my past lives and fall in love with you all over again. AND even if I die I will be born again to love you all over again…. Aarti Khurana” 

Don’t we all wish that this kind of love wasn’t so hard to find? I am thinking about this as we should have this kind of love and support for everybody in our lives.

Evolution of the Self On the paradoxes of personality by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

”’3 Ways to Keep Cool When Life Gets out of Control
Frustration can set you back. Evolve past it.
Published on April 19, 2011 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self”’

you’re minding your own business. You’ve taken all due precautions. You haven’t had a mental lapse. You’ve been responsible and conscientious. You haven’t hurt anyone, or done anything wrong.

You’re innocent.

And then, out of the blue, someone at the supermarket abruptly turns into your aisle, sneezes in your face—and you end up with the flu. Or, while dutifully following a traffic signal, you stop at a light that just turned red—and are promptly rear-ended. Or you meticulously plan a family reunion picnic—only to have the occasion ruined by a most unseasonable, never-forecast thunderstorm. Or, jogging at twilight, listening to your iPod, you trip on a barely visible sidewalk crack—and fracture an ankle. Or your broker, who came highly recommended by trustworthy friends, crafts a portfolio of equities, all of which turn out to be duds.

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Get the picture?

I’ve come to view such mishaps, or setbacks, as “fines for being alive.” These are fines you can pretty much count on having to pay at some point. Just by virtue of occupying space on planet Earth, from time to time, and without advanced warning, life will deal you a slight, an insult, an undeserved blow of some kind that you can’t experience as anything but unjust.

Why do I find this concept so intriguing? Simply because—personally and as a therapist—I’ve come to believe that discovering how to accept the bad things that gratuitously happen to you—even how to take them in stride—is absolutely crucial if you’re to achieve a steady, virtually unshakeable, state of well-being.

Let’s face it: There are an abundance of things over which you can exert only limited control. So if you’re to overcome the various barriers that temporarily block you from objects of your desire, it’s critical to learn how to maintain emotional poise in the face of them. Even though these obstacles may temporarily deter you, you still need to hold onto your composure and doggedly continue to pursue your goals. Sure, your progress may be impeded, but it doesn’t really have to end. Although your destination may be reached later than you’d hoped, as long as you don’t falter you’ll get there all the same. When, through no fault of your own, things just don’t seem to be going your way, it’s essential that you figure out how not to lose your way.

There are times in our life when we may feel besieged by events seemingly contrived, almost demonically, to overwhelm us. Nonetheless, our capacity for control during these times—our ultimate power—is to expand our space to include such disappointments, challenges, provocations, and demands. And, despite such adversity, to hang tough and resolutely adhere to our life path.

How easy, or difficult, is this to do? In general, I’d say the ability to adapt to life’s frustrations varies in proportion to your personal evolution. Adjusting or accommodating to below-the-belt blows of “outrageous fortune” hardly hinges on some inborn personality trait either. For the most part, it simply reflects how much you’ve been able to learn from painful lessons in your past. And being able to make allowances for, and come to terms with, all that interferes with your desires doesn’t really come naturally. It’s something that requires conscious cultivation. So when something blatantly unfair happens to you, be ever-mindful of how (between your ears) you process it.

You need to carefully mull over how you’re going to respond to anything keenly felt as an injustice. Succumbing to the temptation to react withimpulsive anger may offer the immediate consolation of feeling righteous,self-righteous, or morally superior. But the associated cost of taking this low road to “re-empowerment” is that it inevitably sacrifices your inner tranquility and peace of mind. And the more you invest your vital stores of energy in getting back at whatever you perceive as having harmed you, the more likely you are to turn immediate setbacks into chronic limitations and constraints. In which case your choosing (however unwittingly) not to “get on with it,” not to move forward in your life’s journey, becomes no one’s responsibility but your own. Inadvertently, it’s you yourself who has blocked the way to your satisfaction and fulfillment.

So, when you’re suddenly taken aback by one of life’s periodic fines, how can you best respond?

Here are my three “A’s” for quickly moving beyond unwelcome obstacles in your path:

  • Assess. Ask yourself just how serious this particular “fine” is. Might you be exaggerating its importance? In the moment, that unwelcome “tariff” (or “life tax”) may feel awful, perhaps even catastrophic. But, upon painstaking reflection, is it possibly not that much more than an annoyance, or inconvenience? Finally, how much of your life, if any, do you actually want or need to devote to it?
  • Accept. Just acknowledge that you’ve been fined for, well, nothing. Remind yourself that it makes little sense to stew over whatever misfortune you’ve unexpectedly been subject to. Make up your mind not to let it bother you anymore than absolutely necessary.
  • Act. Now that you’ve decided not to waste your mental and emotional energy by obsessing upon or brooding over your bad luck, or by ruminating about how you might retaliate, what’s the best action to take? How can you best cope with this setback? Might you work around it? Do you need temporarily to put something aside to effectively deal with it? Would it help to get a friend, or professional, to assist you?

Or might it suffice simply to let out a single, extended, self-compassionate sigh—and then, life-affirmingly, begin to put it all behind you?

And once you’ve become proficient in implementing this fairly straightforward problem-resolution procedure, go ahead and give yourselfan “A,” too.

 

Hi Everyone,  as you know I have started a group for live a life of love within yourself; I’m hoping that the group will let my followers feel comfortable about talking to me and or other people who in this group.     If you don’t feel comfortable, you can send me a facebook message.   I really would love to get my idea of helping people thought depression or even people who just need someone to talk to.  I know this might sound kind of crazy;  but this is my dream to help those in this world who feel alone,  worthless,  hopeless and unloved.   This is my mission,  I want to give back hope and I want to show everyone that love is everything.