We all want to be loved the way we are,even the things we would like to change about ourselves. But if we hide the things we don’t like about ourselves. What if we didn’t hide the things we don’t like about ourselves,, would you be able to do it? Love is meant to be true, love the other person whole heartly but I don’t think that happens much nowadays. We feel as if we can’t be different because no one will love us with our difference. So what! Just be you!
February is love mouth which makes it my favorite. I would say love is my word! I think there is not enough of it now a days, it is not just for your hubby or wife but anyone who gives you joy, support anyone who loves you just the way you are! So go ahead and go crazy write notes to everyone who has made your life better just by being in it!
When you think about when you think of someone who is in a wheelchair? I don’t think you would think wheelchair uses could be hikes or experience the outdoors. I didn’t think I could go on an adventure with snow everywhere or an adventure that wasn’t made for my wheelchair could on, even if I am the one that doesn’t let her disability stop her! Now I am a part of an amazing organization that gets people with disables on adventures, it’s named; The Lockwood foundation. This last Sunday we had planned this snow hike and a friend was going on this adventure, but unfortunately she couldn’t go; so I got to go,.. first me and the cold weather don’t get along, but I went and I will say I am glad i went. I was in a sled which made by the founder and volunteers, the sled helped me to be a part of the hike. They had built a snow shelter, we hung out in a little bit. I was and am so glad that the Lockwood foundation is doing things that disabled people could only deam but now we can!
Why do people want to take their own lives? Here is my thoughts. We all have our difference but many people don’t understand that just because you can’t seesee a difference doesn’t mean that they don’t have a difference. Someone who has depression, you can not see it and they might not tell anyone about what they have. They may have had a harder time telling someone because people don’t know how to act towards someone who has depression. So they hide it in when they need someone for help in the time they need it the most. If the people who have depression felt understood and loved maybe it would help,
As I think about what to write. What comes to mind is how blessed I am! If you didn’t know me and you saw me in the community I think you would think that I can’t have a good life. But I do! I do need help with everything, so I can say I have an amazing group of friends that help me daily. I live on my own! That is big for me, but I can do it because of all the people who have made me do things for myself and my family didn’t let me feel sorry for myself or any different from my brothers! It got me to where I am now I have my own life! I love it!
This is why I want to help others I have had some hard times that I had to overcome: I know what it is like to be different and to have to work extra hard just to show people I’m not that different I can do everythinng just like anyone else.
Mental health has a bad stigma around it, just because it’s not easy to understand or know how to help people with mental health problems. I want to change the way we think about mental illness, I understand that having any kind of mental illness is not something that you can make up : like a disable it something that they can’t help. I don’t know a lot about mental health but I am learning because I think it could help more people who are hiding thier illness because of the stimga others have made about mental health..
How was everyone’s Holliday? Mine was amazing I was with my family in Holland! I just got home last night, so I am getting back to things here and I have to try to get over the time difference (jed lag) it can be hard to get back on track and knowing where I am. But my time with my brother was amazing, we got to see a lot of Holland and I enjoyed the time! It was raining for the most part, but we still got around: one experience we had that we all thought was a little surprising: we took the train to the big town for a day and my brother and dad had to left my chair on the train, on the way home we saw that they had a ramp out for someone else to use, so we thought I would be able to use it but no we had to call a head to use it, we were all surprised that they couldn’t let me use it for a couple minutes then we guessed that it was because of other people who didn’t need it, were using it. So they had to do something to make it harder for anyone to use it, which is fine but it makes it harder for those who really needs it. My brother lives in a small town so we could go for long walks which I loved!
I am going to Holland tomorrow for two weeks I’m over the moon about seeing my brother and family! I am getting family for the holidays what could be better! As I am getting older I am happy to get loved ones as a gift! I think we get older we realize that people are far more important than anything you could buy, family and friends are everything to me!! Yes I do want to get things but I love my family and friends more than anything in the world! My family is all over the world and, which can make Christmas hard for me, I have friends who are like family to me!
Happy holidays to all you! I will be back writing in January!
This new year, what are your goals? Do you keep the goals you make at the beginning of the year? I don’t normally set goals for the year, but I have goals that come up through out the year. But this new year I’m going to be setting goals for myself like to get to Chicago is a big one: I also want to get my business going, write more. We may not always keep goals, life gets busy we can forget about what we really want and just go for something that in the moment may make life easier but is it really going to make you happy?
I am going to try to make mine happen I really want to have my own business and I want to see friends in Chicago! Having steps to get there will help. If you take it with steps it can happen!
My services are: contact thought email,a month worth of emails back and forth for $20. I sometimes need more time to write back.. I hope to have a network of support for anyone who is different from the so called normal people think you should be to fit in. We are all different, all needed! So what if you are disabled or you have depression, a mental health problem you amazing loved! The difference you have is what makes you needed! I am a mentor who knows what it’s like to feel lonely just because I am different. I understand it’s hard to have explain why you don’t act normal, what disability you have half the time you meet someone new. I will talk to you and try to understand you and than come up with something to help you deal with your differences!
Most people think of being rich is having a lot of money, it’s so not! It is Love and it is giving more than you get! I have a disability I can’t have a normal job but I’m able to help people and I know I have Love, so I am rich!!! I can do something meaningful with what I have! Baby sitting to helping friends who needed someone to listen and help them when on one else would,,, my life is rich with love!
How can I help people with depression you may ask, I am a happy person! I am, but I also know what it’s like to be different or have people not understand you. Depressed can be hard to handle at times, especially if you are alone and people tran you away because of it! Even though it is not something you can help, like my cp there are stuff that you can’t help. The feeling of being lonely and maybe it’s harder because your depression can make it harder time telling others what you are feeling. Not being able to talk to someone could make depression wrost on you. I want to help people who feel lonely.
I have been thinking a lot about how sometimes there is not enough ways to show someone how much you love them. Though they think they have an idea, but you know they don’t. You try to do things that would show it but you can never really show it! We think it’s too much to be loving all the time, but really it’s needed more than anything else! Only you know how much you love someone and maybe you are like me: you want so much to show them but you might not ever get them to understand! All you can do is love them every second of the day like crazy!
Thanksgiving is this week and I am thinking about how I very lucky for each person who has been apart of my life and supporting me and not letting me just say I have a disability so I don’t have to do anything. My mom most importantly because of her, I am able to be independent and I know I can do everything just in a different way! I know I will always need help, but if I work at it i could do anything! There is a person who I have grown close too because she saw me without my disability from the first time we meet and I realized how much she helped me and loved me during a time in my life when I was going through a lot of hard things. I am so thankful for her! And all my friends and family who have helped made my life so amazing!
We are different each person, so why do we think it’s not good enough! You may think the only people who are disabled are different,, no! Even if you are able-bodied you have a special need. So why do we think we have to hide ourselves in the hopes that someone will like us? We have things that might be keeping us down, why can’t we left each other up and light up each when it’s really needed? I think it would help those who don’t feel good enough, lonely and different, if we could looked at the difference between people and knowing that just a little more understanding could do more than we know!
November is time to give thanks for all your hold close and all you have! I normally write each day what I’m thankful for, but this year I don’t think I could do one for each day of the month, I am thankful for everything I have and do! I have someone who has helped me realize that you can be happy without having everything you have enough just with your family and people who love you and that’s what I’m thankful for this year!
I have been thinking about what I want for my business and how I think why I would love to be a mentor because I have the hope to help others, love themselves! It is not easy but you can! For me, it took me realizing that I am loved needed even if outsiders don’t think I can do things just like everyone else. I still have times when I get upset when someone acts as if I’m a child just because I can’t walk, but I try to think of the people who love me the way I am. We worry too much about what others think of us but who knows we might have more people like us if we don’t hide who we are!
We all have times when we don’t like ourselves. Maybe we have a difference that makes it harder for us to see that it’s ok to have hard days. I have a hard time be able to do things, I have been getting myself down because I was so tight that everything was harder for me to do! But I wasn’t sure how to get the tightess to stop, trying everything to help me, just so I could write. But I had friends around me telling me that it was ok I’ll would get back to normal. I thought about people who go throug depression maybe if they had someone like i did maybe that would be the difference they need!
Life can change in a second, take everything it comes but still dream for more!! Never stop. You may be in a place where you think you can not get out of: but with the right support and love you can overcome anything!
Love can be hard sometimes but it’s worth it! It is the most important thing we can give maybe even the one thing that could save someone’s life! Love helps depression you might be asking? Yes it does help! Just knowing that you have someone who wants you in their life could mean the world to someone when they are going through depression and wanting to end their own life. Just LOVE!
Sorry I haven’t been writing as much. I guess my mind has been other places.. I have been wanting to find something I can do outside of the house but I am starting to realize that it’s not that easy. So I need to start making writing something I do daily. I want to feel needed! I have been thinking a lot about others and wanted to be there for them, realizing that I am holding on to them too much,as if they make me feel like they need me but really I need to get into something else. How? I want to help others but I need to do it through writing because of my speech. I will get there I hope!
Could you have someone change your life? I think yes and no. It is hard to think about but I think there are ways that people can change your outlook; but there times where they might not be in a good place to be open to have someone try to change them. We may want to or even just help someone through the hard time. You can only do so much. But the other side is if you meet someone who has a special way about them that could be what changes you! It’s more about if you feel like the way they act or just they have an amazing outlook, then you can say that someone changed your life. But you can not make someone change.
So I was thinking about how blessed I am! Being that I need support dally to get everything I need, there is not on my own i can use the computer to write that is all I can do without help! You are thinking how can I be so happy, I have my down days, but I’m happy because I know I can give back And I am loved! You may be different and you may need help as I do but if you are loved the way you are than what else matters!! This is why I write why I want to make a difference, why I love to my time to help others!
These days I am whing I had more tiwouldme to get everything done and have lots of time to read! But I’m not making great Schedule choices, really reading is taking over my time! I am trying to take an online class, while I’m using my tablet my computer keyboard is a special kind while I can’t get a new one but it is the only kind I’m able to use. what now? You might be asking,,. Since I write to keep busy and I am working on starting my business: I need twouldo be able to write, it’s important to me. I would love to have a normal job but I can’t do it. So I am trying to start my own business, where I can be able to help others! It has been my dream to be a mentor, because of my disability my speech is something you would have to get used to it.. So I have come up with this idea that I can mentor through writing. All that to say I can use my phone and my tablet through my joystick on my wheelchair, it is amazing. Now I just have to get used to my new setup! I am excited but it’s going to take me time!
Life can get busy with work or as we try to make a new chapter in our lives. Maybe we don’t think we can do it but really what is stopping us. I think it is ourselves: i know for me each time I start to write I always have to make a decision to start writing and as I start It gets easier than if I just try to have what I want to write in mind,. Sometimes we have to go for it and see how it goes to see if we can do it or not!
Today is suicidal prevention day, because of what I want to I think it’s should be written about. Depression anxiety is real and in my view it is seen as something we can just look over as if somebody just made up that they are depressed. Its not; the way I understand it, it is as if your mind takes over your thoughts and feelings and you can’t help your feelings when you are depressed. I am a happy person so me writing about this is kind of weird, but first a few of my dearest friends go through depression and anxiety on a daily bread and I know that people out there are very understanding which makes you want to hide it, but what is most needed is to know you are loved! This is what I am working on my blog facebook page/group to be about. Less suicides if they know that they are loved, is my own views on this but maybe this is more needed to help. But that is how I want to make a difference.
Having a difference that everybody can see I think can be a little easier, than the differences you cannot see. Having a disability all my life, I have learned how to explain to others what my disability is and if they are open to differences I have a new friend. But that is not always the case because people are afraid of something new, yes I have a wheelchair I don’t talk well but I can get people to get comfortable with my disability. So if you have a mental illness I think it’s harder for others to understand what you are going through. This month is mental illness awareness mouth, each day there is someone who has to hide who they are just because others don’t understand how mental illness can just take over the body and you don’t can’t get out of it, it’s not you. People who have mental illness might just need someone to understand them just be a friend. Is not something we can’t help we can. If we take the time to understand how mental illness works.
Thinking about the differences we have: nomatter if you are able or not, we still have needs that are different from everyone else! I think that is what makes us special as well as you are needed! You are here for a reason!! As I wrote yesterday my CP is a little different than most others and I know it is what makes me me! You can walk and talk so you don’t need the kind of help as someone who has a disability. But I’m sure you can have some needs that makes you special! That is what makes the world so beautiful!! Having that special need is awesome! I would like to see more people see that is amazing! We are different in all we need, so why do we think we need to hide what makes us special?
I have my tablet back, so I want to see if I can write better and faster with it. Trying something new can take time, especially if you have a different kind of disability which mine is uncommon! Sometimes I like but I don’t; because new things for the disabilited people, isn’t always easy for me to use.. I have had this tablet just about all year, I have not used it much because some of the things I need to use it with was not working in the way I needed it to, but I am trying it again! I think I like it!
Once in a while you meet someone else changes your life or maybe you realize that. I had this happened yesterday I was telling my friends about someone who meant a lot to me just taking about how I am doing whatever I can to save up so I can go there. Now you’re going to think it’s not a big thing but the more I think about this friendship and the season in my life; high school, disabled teenager who was trying to get others to understand I could do anything I worked towards, but I was lonely. I had a best friend in my mom but school was terrible because I could not get the education mom and I knew I could do or true friendships. One day going for a walk and meeting someone who needed my help it was a real beautiful thing in that season and then getting reconnected with this person and knowing how much things had not changed with us even after years. You may not think about the friendship as life changing in the moment but when remembering it later maybe it did mean more to you just knowing someone took the time.
Its starting to get cold out, what do you like do when weather changes? The days it’s too cold to get out of the house, your comfort zone; it’s not just the weather that go through changes, we do too. We try to keep it hidden, because of everything from others would say to pick on us, even though it is not our doing, difference or illness is not something we can control but people don’t understand differences even if we are all different. They don’t understand your life may be your life can be because of an bad experience that has been hard to deal with, or maybe you may have an illness, or a disability, that others don’t get because it’s new to them. Growing up with CP and now trying to live as normal as I can but I still get the look like I’m not to do something just because I use a wheelchair. What is the big deal I don’t walk, I used to let others thoughts get to me, but now I know where I taking my life and what the people who are in my world think about me and is what helps me when others are trying to put me down. Maybe it would help you.
Live a life of love within yourself; is a community group to support each other. In a time, day or if it’s always we have times when we go through something that we just as need to know someone is there! I am not a dog who knows everything about mental health, but I know what is it like to have a difference that everyone see before they give you time to get to know you. I know how much it can hurt when you know if people would see you without your difference, they would see you differently! This has been my God to help others; since I have a hard time talking I have decided to be mentor though writing. This I hope for it to become my business, so I am going to say $20 for a year of mentoring with me.
This morning I was at an event for the disability community, thinking that I could do some networking and meet new people; it didn’t end up that way, it felt as if people are afraid of differences even though we all have a difference. I think I can make friends easily, but I don’t. Once people know what disability I have then they start to talk to me; because I move all the time and my speech is not that good, its hard to meet people. Having a difference in which people can see even before they talk to you can put you down, but you have to show them you’re more than your difference!
Depression can be lonely. Its hard to know how much to help; or not to say the wrong thing. These thoughts we all, even me and I want to help people who depression not because I know about it; but I could help being their happiness back or just even just be there when its really needed. I feel like depression is an illnesses that people ran from, just they don’t understand , don’t think they know what to say. Here is the way I say it, its not about knowing what to say but first just be there nothing else could help them more than knowing that someone is always there! Just knowing that they are loved and someone is there ready to talk or be a friend whom no one else will.
My week away was amazing and needed too. I am tired but I loved every moment of it, as you know having a difference that others can see and then think that you are not capable when you know are, can be hard. But there at camp it was what can you do. I had to think of goals each day that I thought I have do; I wanted to walk everybody which I did! I even did some walking on the ropes course which was hard but fun then I zipped down the best part! We rafting I loved so much, I loved everything getting to meet new friends and feeling like I was not disabled and nominal, I worked hard but had a great week.
Seasons, people can change and move on with life, not even realizing that they may forget about your friendship which normal but still hard if you are the one that feels the same. Happens more than I want to say! But I am going to write about the friendships that don’t change even if they mostly cities which really that hardly happens or it doesn’t last! But I have been so lucky that I can say I have friends like that, and one who I know we are so far ahead and we both have different lifes and we don’t see each other that much but she is still close to me when I know she could have moved on but we are in each other lifes every day, its means so much when you know they could have not kept your friendship but they do. Just thinking about that. As I know people don’t have that; time can get away from us and it’s hard old friends when you can’t tell them you are going over but all you can do I keep close by messages and phone calls, if they are that important to you it works!
If you have ever loved someone that you don’t know how to tell them how much it means to they are in your life! Its like there are not enough ways to say how much they mean to you. Even if you tell them each day; may be you just have to her there no-matter how or what, just be the person they can go to anytime! It’s hard but maybe that’s the best thing they have; is knowing someone is always there. People don’t get that a lot, its as if we have to be alone if we have any kind of difference.
I have always had a strong faith and I have gave my life to helping others and God. In saying that I know my faith can be better, lately I’ve been reading more faith books and really enjoying them! Ever get this feeling where you want to do or know more about one topic or maybe even you know it could here grow. Learning only can make us better, may be even help you when you are feeling like what you want to do is not coming to you. Even just to give you a new outlook, for me lately I have been feeling kind of like I need to add something in my life. But I don’t always get out so I am starting to see that my faith could use some work, reading devotionals every day, reading the Bible more while keeping in mind I want to be a mentor, it seems right in this time my life with having a lot of new things I am doing and also trying that I want to grow myself mostly so I can grow in my business. So if you are in a place where you don’t think you can make it through, start a decoration it helps!
Sorry I have not done a post this week; with the 4th and my birthday this week got kind of crazy and went by so fast! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. First off mountain experience was amazing; I was able to see something I never thought I would get to do or experience; getting to be on the very top of a mountain . Just amazing in more than one way, I have always looked things that I want to do as a goal in which because of my CP challenging but I do it anyway, like cp watch me. Lol. No but I don’t let it stop me, my family and friends helps me if I get in that zone where I don’t think it can which sometimes happens! Like getting to the top of a mountain because of a friend. Who has started an organization to get people out; and really we were just taking about the idea of getting me up at a mountain thinking it would be a while before we could make it happen. But he came back to me and said he was going to start this organization to get people out and he wanted me to help him/be apart of it. So that it was a goal to get me to the mountain with a lot of help but it would happen! Were started talking about what we would need to get us up to there, soon what seemed like a lot of necessity things with taking someone in a wheelchair up a mountain, he just ended up getting some friends together and said we are doing this now! ! Not only did I get to do it but my friend took a other men up with us! It was amazing getting to be on top of the world for a few minutes, it seemed like the top of the world even though there are higher mountains to me I felt as if I could see everything!
I have been in a wheelchair all my life, so something about knew I couldn’t do. Such as getting to the top of a mountain! There are many others that I didn’t think I could get to do, I have done a lot for myself that others didn’t think I could do; but this weekend I’m going to get to be on top of a mountain WHAT? You might be saying me too! Most things I have found a way around it so I can have a normal life. But getting to the mountain what? Really, my friend is a mountain climber and knows that I may not have had a opportunity for something like this, so we have started an organization to get people out who do not get to go on hikes because of their differences or just don’t think they can. This is a huge thing for me and others like me to I will write a blog on the experience next week.
Being in a wheelchair you would think it would be easy to be seen! It’s not; I was at the hospital visiting a friend and I realized that another friend of mine worked there, so we went to see if she was in. I was rolling down the hall way of the hospital with my father and friend staying to one side so others could pass through thinking that way I won’t ran into anyone. So I thought, , now I don’t expect people to move out of my way, though my body does not always listen to what I want to do. But I always try to make others can get by me. So as we were walking I don’t think anything about that the other people were gone to close to my wheelchair before moving over to the other side even though I was on the side; my friend saw and said people are just walking like you’re not there. I get out of two reactions from others who don’t know me, first is very helpful; second is ignoring me because of my disability. Why is being in a wheelchair such a big thing it is the way I can get around!
Having goals, a dream can keeps us growing. Even they will give us hope for something that could happen. Something you know if you work toward it will give you happiness. I have a big trip I am working hard towards it is one of many goals I have for myself including this mentoring business. To help us keep growing and have the best lives we can. Set a goal than working to get it, it is one good to live happily when you know you can do it!
I have been going to a place called Project walk for about 3 to work out, and I can tell a difference in body. I need to work out, because just sitting the same way all day every day could bring more problems for me than I could hardly. It could also decline what I am able to do on my own, I could get even more tight then I get on my bad days. Its important for me to keep somewhat lose but not to look at that I couldn’t hold myself up, my kind of CP is this; Abnormal muscle tone (muscles with too much or too little tone). Many people with Athetoid cerebral palsy, like me, they can’t hold themselves up. So in a way my tightens helps me to sit on my own so it can me; but it can get too tight where I can’t do anything so the work out helps. All that to say I found out Project Walk is closing the program in Denver. I’m sorry to see go, but I hope something like it will take its place for those who need it!
I have a guardian angel. She doesn’t think about it like that but I know there is no other way to describe it! Someone who watches over without being around you. Its like knowing that they are there but we know they aren’t; it’s hard when you can’t be with someone that means the world to you! But we have to, we find other ways to keep them close even if it doesn’t make it any easier. But maybe thinking of them as guardian angel, helps. I know many of you may not believe in angels but it just a thought that may bring you joy on the hard days!
This month is Mental illness awareness, this topic is near to my heart. This blog is to honor those who live with depression, or any other mental illness! I don’t know as I would like to know about this topic because I think having knowledge on mental health could help. I understand that people don’t was the tell others if they deal with depression or anything within mental illness as if they could get it, or maybe they don’t want to! Its like with my CP my body is always moving and I don’t talk right, so others who do not know they think I can’t do anything for myself and the people who know me would think differently. And nowadays I don’t care about if you like the way I am; I have a disability so. I can do whatever you do just in my way! But for those who have mental illness; knowing you are special, needed and loved just the way you are, we know your illness is not you! We know how hard you try to not let the depression get you but there are times when others could more understanding that it is not you! The things others don’t get; when all you want is love not to be put out over something you do, not even knowing you do it. If I someone in my life who had mental illness I would do everything else could to left them up. Just because I know what its like to be on the sidelines , but people don’t want to help others if they have a difference! Keep kicking butt; because you are special!
“There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs.” — Angel Flonis Harefa’’ I believe this quote it true, each person we meat there is a reason maybe we need them or they need us! We may not ever know the reason but everyone we do there’s a reason. A friendship or any relationship is a gift that could make our lives better.