Category Archives: my thoughts/poems

Lately there had been so much sadness in the world a lot of people who have some kind of disability,  a disability is when someone needs daily help;but I think even if you are so called normal you still will need help sometimes.  So what makes it different if you have a see able disability, when you have an invisible disability its not always seen as a disability.   As if it doesn’t count the hardships someone goes through because of their invisible disability!  It means you are different and I think that’s awesome!  But there are not a lot of people who think like I do.   It annoys me!   Yes sometimes I wish I was normal,  but that would not be as fun!  Why are there people hurting?  Because today people just want to be seen as the same but we are not each of us has a difference.

There is so much I could write about but where to start.   I have a lot of different emotions and it’s not easy to get out how I feel.   Happiness,  sadness and I wish I could just love others and support them in a different way that I am.   Even though I know that is the best thing they need;  is just love.   Like there is nothing to help someone heal but I wish there was! its hard when you want to there for someone more than what you are able to;  but when you think it may be you are the one who gives them love and not expect anything but them to be ok.

Here is why I love loving on others.   Daily life can be hard, when you are different;  having a disability that people see before they see you its hard; they see you as a child or that you have a mental disability,  but then when you have a disability that nobody sees.  I think that can be harder because you may need help but people don’t see it or may not believe you.   Then it can make it harder for people who are hiding behind a disability,  depression is a disability that we think it can’t a disability;  I think its harder to have a disability no one sees.  I know there people who hide their differences because people don’t understand that everyone has some kind of differences.   So why can’t we help each other?

“No one wants to suffer. No one wants to be lonely. No one wants to live in fear. No one wants to lose everything. No one wants their heart ripped to shreds. No one want to be sick. And, no one wants to die. But these things happen in life. So the least we can do is be there for others, as we would like others to be there for us.” — Bryant McGill

How much do you love you!   You know that comes before loving others before anything else.   We were always told that we should love others first,  that is half true.   You have to be good with who you are and then it’s simple to give others.   We need to be first important but is not always that easy.  We forget that it’s ok to put ourselves first.   Are you ok with everything that makes up you?   Its hard to be able to say anything we are,  we like.   For me I like most of the time;  my cp gets me at times when I want to do something but I need to do it or many other examples but look for the things I can and everything else works out.   All that to say start with you,  put yourself first once in a while.


“Today I will tell myself that I’m lovable. Just because some people haven’t been able to love me in ways that worked doesn’t mean that I’m unlovable. I’ve had lessons to learn, and some of them have hurt deeply, but I can still love, and I still am loved.” — Melody Beattie”

Why do people feel unloved ?  It is hard to understand why there people  who don’t have that, when it is the most important feeling to know you are loved!   Not only that but it’s even better. Why does differences matter when we all have things that we need help at times !  It should not matter how different people are but it seemed to matter;  then it hurts.

Love is what makes us happy,  way fight for the things we love.
It is worth everything else!
Knowing that you are special,  needed cared for nothing could be better.
More than that love heals us just to know someone loves you.
We want to get to help us feel happier,  but we just need to loved!

The truth is anything, time,  relationships can change.   Not love not if it’s true,  a true relationship if it true,  things can change within yourself or that person but if you see them for who they truly are then nothing else should matter!   Love never ends!

Have you ever had a day where;  you wish you could be there more for someone?   That is where my heart is lately, and its not easy to remember that letting them know you are there for them no-matter what and how much much they mean to you,  every time you can;  that may be the only thing you can give them even if it was different;  giving love can help than anything else.   Life does not always give love,  sometimes it is the feeling people don’t always have.

What gives you the most joy?   For me, it’s helping others and loving others a little more than I should but it makes me so happy to know I can help someone.   I think now days we don’t love like we should;  we don’t like who we are so,  we hide ourselves thinking that it is better.   Not letting anyone in,  but when we are lonely or hurting.   We should let people look at us the way we are!

Why do you love more when they are far away?

Time changes almost everything except love!   Life without it is nothing.   I think it’s what helps us want to get up each day;  it helps during the dark times in life!   It is the sun when we need it most.   Knowing you are loved during the lowest times is really what helps everything came right, it might sound crazy but it really is that one thing that helps!

I just went to a friend’s funeral whom I never showed her how much I enjoyed her friendship because I thought she was healthy and would around for a long to come. It’s so sad and hard knowing that everything can change so fast. So be sure to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you always!

You are helping someone right now even if you don’t think so.   It might be thought your outlook, maybe textting someone just to let them know that they are loved may be your words are what keeps them going even if you think it’s not enough it is!   Always do what your heart tells you,  when it comes to supporting someone;  you can never go wrong if you know you can help do it.  There are so many people who are hurting or lonely and don’t  feel loved.  You can just send a simple text not knowing how it would help someone.   Giving to others in the best gift you can give,  and its needed more than anything else!    Just Give and Love!

Looking at the difference people trying to hide when we should able to be who we are.  We are all different which I love!  I don’t care if you have a difference,  if you are in my life it’s ok. Why push people who have a difference away.

Each day I want to make someone smile, not because I want anything in return its just me.  There are too many people who are hurting and have no one for support.   Its so easy to let someone feel loved,  special and to me it is the best gift!   I know what is it like to feel like you don’t fit in.   Its not fun.  It’s hard to know how to be a support for someone,  but if you can let them know you are there for them,  you might not know it but just that could be the one thing they need to get through whatever they are going through.

I am love.   I love to see others happy.
Life is about helping people to me.
It’s like the thing that makes me.

The greatest gift

A family is a given gift but some are different from others meaning in a way that you can decide that friendship is more than just a friend.   Your family is those who take you no matter who you are,  they can’t change you.   They are what help grow into your own person.   Yours does it if you have a good relationship or how much you see each other,  they are yours!   You move around the world,  missing them but start to learn that you can have a family outside of your own family and it does not mean that your family doesn’t matter because they should always be first in your world.   But having friendships who became like family,  means that they would do anything for,  they are there.   You don’t have to be something you are not,  that kind of friendship is the greatest gift besides from your true family.

How many times a day,  does someone tell you that they love you?   Do you feel loved?   We don’t think about how much love can make life better, or even just knowing that someone is there for you no matter what time.  We all have hard times,  hurting or feel as if we are alone.  We need to feel loved so much,  I think that is more than ever.  Look around and see how different our lives are now;  love is not at the top as it should be.   If you are depressed or goes through something;  it seems like you get pushed away like no one cares when you should feel loved and that you are cared for.   Its like we are too busy trying to have a good job,  enough money to make us happier,  but somehow the thing which could really make us happy we have forgotten that it is all we need that is love.

To a special friend!

You are so amazing
I know it hard right now but it will get better soon.
You mean so much to me!
I might not be able to be with you but you know whenever you feel lonely I am just a text away.
I just got you back I’m not losing touch again !!
You have me always!!
I so can wait till you can come here!
I love you so much Don’t forget it!

Each day is a gift

Every person who comes into your life is a gift

You meet them for a reason

Hold them close

Let them know how much they mean to you.

Never let go

There are saying and Bible verses that says love is forever; love never gives up.  Lately I’ve been thinking how today we don’t think about love as being never ending.   We get upset by a person and we say anything to not show that they have hurt us;  trying to act as if we are ok like we don’t want them,  but we know we love them its never ends.   But sometimes we don’t think it’s there,  if the other person doesn’t seem to show it.   That they need it most!   Just Love It’s always there!

“You were created to make somebody else’s life better. Somebody needs what you have — your smile, love and encouragement.”

— Joel Osteen
in “Give love and encouragement

I love this quote because I think love is the greatest gift you can give someone!   I know we going through things that we push out love or maybe we don’t even know why we are doing it,  but just giving them love you are helping them in ways you don’t think you are!

when you help others

Today world people don’t see what can come out of supporting someone else who is lonely or going through something that they don’t think they can share with the people around them; maybe they feel that if they don’t talk about it,  it will go away.   But I think if we were meant to be alone we would .  We have family and friends who care about us.   We all going through times in our life that we need have somebody to talk to.   I want to be a support when you feel like you don’t have anyone who understands whatever you are going through.

What truly matters,  what do we need most and instead we think we can be good without it,  like somehow we’re happy on our own.   We can not!  It is important for us to show love even they don’t give it back,  I have been thinking that if I love it should come back to me, but that doesn’t seem to matter as much to me.   I know I have people that love me but I realized that it means more if you always awoke not worrying about what others think.  I am happy and I know that I have something that most people don’t see,  loving yourself first than you will be able to do things for others when they don’t think that you are there for them and that is a gift you can give no one has to know.   Love is the best gift!  It took me a while to understand how something so simple could be what makes me happy;  loving others!


Love always it is the light of our lives!
Love can change lifes.
Could be the light that,

helps us when things get to handle.

its the light that we could not live without!

I have not been writing a lot lately;  I’m sorry I have been going through some things, and I haven’t been wanting to write.  But when you are depressed or going through something hard writing it out,  is one thing that can really help.  I don’t have depression that bad to where I need help I just need to write about it in my journal and let time help me to get through it.   I know it is not that easy for some of you,  but maybe it could help you some.

Today life is based on how someone looks not on what they do.   As I have said many times before we all have differences that makes us who we are.   Being in a wheelchair and all the things that make me,  I have a disability one that you can see before me sometimes, but I’m ok if you don’t see me behind my disability because its what makes me.   But there are times when I wish I was more able I wish I could talk and be understood I sometimes wish I could go anywhere without having someone take me;  but most of the time I am happy with who I am.   I know I have stuff to work on,  but I am me, not changing.   And you can’t change because you are the way you are for a reason.

Life takes us on paths which sometimes we are not ready for.   I am in a time where a lot of things are amazing and I am happy that I have so much,  but there are somethings I know I need to work through and it hurts so much knowing that I could have still had something very special.  I am letting go, but I know I will have that memory forever! I have to just got to keep looking at the great things that will come if I let go of that one thing I don’t want to let go of.   Though love will be there!

Life’s Angels

I believe in living Angels,

Because I know a few people who have shown me that they are more than what we see.
ANGELS in the living!

 Do we take them for granted, when they are helping us.

When we are in need?
But they don’t mind,

they are there for you!

Caring about you no matter what.
Daily we don’t see them as

they let you be you.

Angels are real!
We just need to believe.
Angels are Love!

last night I realized something which I already believe but somehow last night it really sank in, I love you all my heart and even if someone is not in my life I am still going to send them love; maybe that’s when it means the most!

Love never gives up !  !  As we start a new year; what is something that we could change within our selfs?  We do something like this every time we begin a new year thinking we will stick to it, but most times we end up giving it up life gets in the way.   Or maybe you don’t think you can do something that would better your life;  you are not good enough but you are!   I know that feeling of giving up;  like there is nothing else you can do.  This next year let’s work on something we all need and maybe you don’t think it would make a difference in life,  but it does.  So one of my goals for the new year is to love without thinking about what I want from the other person.  Maybe there will be more that I want to change in my life but for now that is what is on my heart the most.

Each year there is at least one thing I can ask for as a Christmas gift idea, but this year there is nothing I want nothing you can buy. But here is what I want the one thing I went more than anything.  I want to find a way to let people in my life how much love I feel for each of the special friendships I have had in my word that had made it great just by understanding me.   Especially this year when I have been starting out on my own.   I never thought I could live independently from my mom who has done for me.   Now for the time I am independent and I am so happy that I can live on my own.  I just want to find a way to say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH over and over!  Thanks toall the support though this year.

I have been going through some things that have been helping me to realize that I need change parts of my life,  and at first, I couldn’t think about it being a good change.   Change can be hard for anybody,  and during the holidays which are already kind of hard for me, missing my brothers, my family who are far away I should be used to it.  But I am not!  This season is supposed to be happy for me this year I am not doing that good with it; and I everything else would want but the people I wish I could be with this holiday season.

I am starting to be more independent,  living on my own the best I can,  I have a job and living life as close to normal as I can.   Looking to next year I am going to do work on changing a few things that I do that I don’t like about myself , , I am to work on growing my business and Ms. Wheelchair Colorado.   I want to write more on differences.


Day10.  what am I not thankful for! nothing! I have everything I want especially Love.

​Some people are going to love you no matter what you do and some people will never love you no matter what you do. Go where the love is. — Unknown Author


I am thankful for love and friendships  that I know I will always have ! 


Love is everything

Its everywhere you go

The way you live

TRUE happiness comes when you have love !

Hope everything is LOVE!

-my keyboard is not working

I’ve not   been able to write because I use a special keyboard to write and its not working right.   I’ll  try to write again tomorrow

​”Be careful not to attach your sense of worth to your performance. When you’re dissatisfied with something you have said or done, talk with Me about it. Ask Me to help you sort out what is truly sinful and what is not. Confess any sins you’re aware of, and receive My forgiveness gratefully. Then live in the freedom of being My beloved believer. Don’t let your mistakes and sins diminish your sense of worth. Remember that you have been declared ‘Not Guilty’ forever! There is no condemnation for those who are in Me—who belong to Me. You are precious to Me, and I take delight in you, so refuse to condemn yourself.” —Jesus Always by Sarah Young
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” —Romans 8:1 ESV 
#freedom #joy #JesusAlways

​You are the forward edge of life’s advancement; in this moment in time you are the finest expression of life’s brilliance. All of history has pointed its refining focus to your life this moment. You are the culmination of all that ever was. You are the highest point of the vast pyramid of history and of your own life. Eons of suffering, brutality and struggle have paved the way through the corridors of time to create this moment, where you exist as an exalted expression of life. Life is ever reaching for strength, vitality, survival and the fulfillment of perpetuating its inherent message of continuance. You are that reach! Nature has placed you on the throne of royalty as the heir of all life that preceded you. Did you not inherit the Earth and all of life? You are the grand estate and administrator of — now. Do not squander your endowment. Dare not surrender to weakness you divine creation! Stand-up! You are the apex, the zenith, and the capstone. Your power and brilliance is the most awesome force life could muster. Do not forget or take for granted the splendor of your majesty. Your mind, your motion and your expression is an animation to marvel and to praise. All of life and history is holding you on its shoulders so you can stretch one atom further. Seize this moment and feel the glory of life’s gift coursing in your deepest sinews. Relish in this moment. Be astounded. You are nothing less than a miracle!
— Bryant McGill
The Book:

​We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking – we take it personally – then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. — Don Miguel Ruiz


In all of my vt  watching,  I am very excited to see ”Speechless” as I ever have been about a tv  show;  not only is it about disabilities,  but it’s about a boy who has cerebral palsy like me. I don’t know why this chose to do a show about cp, but that is what will be airing starting tomorrow night,  I’m so excited about this;  but I have wondered why don’t do it with all different kinds of disabilities and have it be a show that can be to help people get comfortably around people with disabilities.

This year I have realized more about TRUE gifts that you can’t buy;  something that can make life that much better.  Other than your family,  it is knowing that someone thinks about you just as much as you do them.   Its not about anything else but how much they are always there;  just to say, ”I love you”.  Life is busy and through you want to talk to someone everyday its not always easy t let loved ones know what they are loved and special every day.   But it’s so needed!

One of the greatest blessings in life is to find out who your true friends really are. Don’t mourn for those who weren’t there for you in your time of need and don’t fault them. Be grateful that you’ve learned who really cares so that you can free yourself and your life from those who don’t; and fill your life with those who do. -oksana

I think I finally know exactly what I was meant to do ,write/bloging,,getting awareness out, teaching people that being disabled doesn’t mean that we can’t do everything. don’t you know we all have some kind of differences that is what is a disability?”” And I want to be able to have depression and disability be in one blog.

Lately in my life there has been a lot of loss and changes good and bad.  Sometimes when going through a time like this it’s easy to feel like you don’t want to let anyone else in; I have had that thought and feeling that loved ones who I don’t know how I could handle losing them.  But I can’t think like that I can’t not open my heart to someone, that is not who I am. Loss,  change can be hard and sometimes a little overwhelming if you can’t see the end of this season,  or maybe you just want to know if you will be ok at the end of this season in life.  You will if you keep trying and don’t let the sadness get you down so much that you forget what you have.  Some people will change but those who are meant to be in your life will always be there!  What is meant to be,  will always come true!   

Choose to be happy now! Everyday life presents you with a full-service menu from which to choose — peace or anger; sadness or joy; forgiveness or revenge; trust or suspicion; and love versus hate. Your response to the behaviors of other people, as well to life’s challenges, will determine your perception of your own happiness. Remember— when things go wrong, don’t go with them! Happiness is a choice that you make every moment of every day. Hold it in your mind; pursue it with your passion; show it on your face; create it within yourself; and then bring it out for the world to experience in the unique spirit of you! You have something special! You have GREATNESS within you!! — Les Brown


Life is not measured by how much money you have 

its about how you look at life 

How you can over come the hard times with strength .

You have amazing!
Dancing through life with your confidence nothing stops you!
You are my hero!    

I am thankful that I call you my dear friend.   

I love you Amy!  

Do we realize that everything could charge in a moment?   Do people really know how much they are loved?   I am thinking about these two questions during this time in life .  Trying to be happy because I am healthy and I have great life and I am loved!   But sometimes I don’t always feel happy and right now I am not totally happy,  a friend of mine is very sick I can not even go see her,  there is nothing anyone can do for her.  This time for her family and friends not knowing what will come next it so hard I am praying for her and everybody who loves her.   

My thoughts on the movie ” me before you”.

Me before you is a movie about newly disabled man in England and I have been reading all the disappointed disabled community who think the main idea people are going away with after seeing this movie is that; people who are injured or in a wheelchair will all want to end their lifes.  I don’t agree,  I know each person is different each of us has a different view on life; some of us if ever faced with an injury that can make you depend on other people to get out of bed,  eat and every physical need you once could do without even thinking about it.  But after the injury for some people that independence might be gone;  could you even imagine ?  Even I don’t think I would have a hand time facing a life where the only thing I could move is my head,  and I already need a lot of help. In the book/movie the main guy was a business man and had a great life going for him, then within minutes everything in his life would change.   He went from being independent to always needing care, he became depressed and he could not aspect his life in a wheelchair no-matter how much he had or if he could get all the help in the world,  he would never be happy with his new life, even having a caregiver that was willing to be with him ; he didn’t feel like this was him and he was in so much pain everyday all day,  yes he was happy at the end but it would never be comfortable and he knew he could not better.  He wanted to take his own life and though his family supported him in that.   I could understand why he would want to end his life.  I also understand the disabled community views on this movie, but everybody is different that man wasn’t happy he was depressed and that on it’s own can’t always be helped especially if they have suicidal.    Having depression to the point of wishing your life was over,  is not something to take lightly,  I haven’t had the feeling that life is not wroth living,  but if they have those it’s not always easy to get out of that thought,  he had said that this new life wasn’t him.  Now I am not trying to say what happened in the movie is right but everybody is different and some people have suicidal thoughts so bad enough that it doesn’t matter how much we try we can’t help them if they don’t want to helped.  It something we who   have a great life won’t ever understand what that feeling is like.   So I think the movie/book is a great story about a man who became disabled and he tried to be happy and it just didn’t feel like himself being depend on everyone else to him live.  It is not about the whole disabled community,  it was about his life and he thought about his life in a wheelchair.