You!

What makes you happy?

Where do you go to think?
Where do you go to get away to have some you time?
Do you know that you are special,  loved and wanted?

Today’s thought. Topic – how to cope with loneliness?

Think about this topic; what are your thoughts. ”In an ideal world we would all respect each other. When I give respect to what goes on in my own mind..the miracle is I see everything in the world differently. I begin to see that I know nothing about others, but I do know that I want peace of mind more than anything else and if I let go of my expectations of others then I have peace.
~Eileen Dielese

So Simple

There is someone you can help

Someone who needs you

Give that person hope

Strength,  courage,  hope and

Even one as simple as just needing somebody to love them!

why is there so much hurt in the world today?  We all have been through some kind of hurt.   People see someone who is different, that is all people can see that someone is different, it doesn’t matter if it’s little different;  so what does it really matter how different we are .  Does it? People make fun of others who are different;  why?  Difference is what makes us special .  Everyone of us is special.

A Hero

Who is a hero?

Is a hero someone who fights for freedom or can heroes also be the person who gives their life up to help others?   Being a hero means more than going to war; though it is a big sacrifice to leave the life you to go somewhere with not knowing if you will get the life you once had. Someone who has always put others first is whom I would think of a hero as well.

Relationships can make the difference.

Life is nothing if you have nobody to share with.   No-matter if the relationship is just a close friend, any kind of relationship is important!  We all need to have someone who we can let anything out knowing that person will never let you down.  When life really has you down having that friendship can help just to have someone to get you thought it.

Communication Success Be ultra-effective at home, at work, and in the world by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

Author’s Note: The following is an excerpt from my book (click on title): “How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions – A Practical Guide.”

“I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness.”

— Jack Canfield

“Women are so unforgiving of themselves. We don’t recognize our ownbeauty because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to other people.”

— Kelly Osbourne

 

One of the easiest ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We may be tempted to compare ourselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money, or boast more Facebook friends.

When you find yourself envious of what someone else has, and feel jealous, inferior or inadequate as the result, you’re having a negative social comparison moment.

Habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices.

Two interesting notes about negative social comparison:

1.  Negative social comparison has elements of narcissism.

When we wish to look, be, or have like others, we’re not really wishing foreverything about that person, but only the idealized aspects of the individual. This idealized and grandiose perception of another is narcissistic in nature. Chances are, not even those whom your compare yourself with can live up to your idealized images of them. This is why so often when people spend some length of time with their “heroes,” “heroines,” “role models,” or “idols,” they discover that those whom they look up to also have weaknesses, flaws, difficulties and problems just like everyone else.

2.  It’s relatively easy to change from idealizing to humanizing.

For example, you may wish that you have the perfect career and a lot of money like your manager Joe, or the good looks of your friend Kelly, or a wonderful romantic relationship like Samantha. Comparing yourself with them might cause you to feel somehow “lesser.” But when you look at their lives more objectively, you know that Joe has health problems and family issues, Kelly is actually insecure about her looks, and it took Samantha a painful divorce and many hard lessons before she found a compatible mate. Looking at them from a more balanced perspective, you realize there’s more than meets the eye, and that they’re human beings with their own share of challenges like you.

The Buddha reminds us that the four conditions in life which cause suffering are: birth, aging, illness, and death. No one, no matter how powerful, successful, wealthy, or fabulous they seem on the outside, can escape these truths. This effectively makes ALL of us equal. What’s left, then, are values which truly make our brief existence on this earth worthwhile: self-acceptance, quality relationships, and a meaningful life’s purpose. For each of these, the answers and our ability to realize them come from WITHIN. No external accomplishments, privileges, entitlements or materialism alone can achieve them. No superficial status, ranks, stations, or possessions are required to realize them.

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!” 

— Jennie Finch

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

― Thich Nhat Hanh

For more in-depth tools on reducing or eliminating disempowering attitudes and feelings, see my book (click on title): “How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions – A Practical Guide.”

For more on finding your life’s purpose and relationship success, see my publicaitons “The Seven Keys to Life Success” and “Seven Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success.”

5 Ways to Make Anyone Feel Special
Spread the warmth, for their sake and yours.
Published on July 19, 2014 by Isadora Alman, MFT in Sex & Sociability
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ShutterstockIn a new relationship or one seasoned by time, for a female or male friend or relative, young or old, same sex or other, the desire to feel appreciated is universal, and the means of showing that you care are available to everyone. Is there someone you would like to please, someone whom you would love to have think of you warmly? Choose one of the following. Heck, choose ALL of the following. I promise you the deed will be worth the doing:
Give small “just-for-you” presents. Whether it’s a candy bar you know the other likes or a paperback book you found at a garage sale, it really is all about the adage that it’s the thought that counts.
Make it a point to slightly touch him or her often. Nothing intimate; just an enthusiastic hug of pleasure when you greet or part; a casual touch on the shoulder as you pass; a friendly squeeze of the arm as you walk side-by-side. Many studies have shown the power of touch to boost people’s mood and sense of connection; one paper found that even the most fleeting touch of the fingers when a librarian returned a reader’s card made the customer remember the library visit as a more pleasant experience (thought without ever realizing why).
Share a warm memory of the other person with him or her. I was thinking the other day about the time I saw you… Knowing that you are noticed, remembered, or thought of, is wonderfully flattering to anyone.
Make something. Whatever your talent, employ it to create something that will make someone feel special and appreciated. If you can cook, invite the friend for a home-cooked dinner or tea with your own baked treat. Such gestures are long-remembered: A man in my life long ago made me a meal that had almonds in everything—the salad, the main dish, and the dessert, all because I casually mentioned when we first met that I liked them. Needless to say, the fact that he took such a casual comment to heart impressed me even more than the meal. Similarly, a folded paper crane made by a young relative just learning origami has had pride of place on my desk for more than a year and always makes me smile.
Plan an event. A friend once picked me up at work for an arranged lunch date and brought a blanket and packed basket for a picnic with everything—including (chocolate-covered) ants, an experience in themselves! What might have been a rushed workday meal in a crowded food court became a memorable event. This was almost 50 years ago. How many lunches have I eaten with friends in the intervening years I couldn’t guess but this one stands out and so does the person who arranged it.
Many times over our lives, hopefully, we have been made to feel special through such gestures as these. We should all hope that we have spread as much warmth around through our own thoughtful acts, and will continue to do so, as well.

Some people who have depression just need to feel loved and supported. Having a friend that they know they can always turn to who will be there to talk anytime.

Behind the Smile


“His poetry is lyrical, tender and profoundly moving…It is how those of us with depression live; adrift in the dark depths but forever struggling to the sunlit shallows.” Sally Brampton, author of Shoot the Damn Dog.

At Depression Alliance we’re celebrating the latest critically acclaimed anthology from poet Stan Frith, who tragically lost his son Jason after a four year battle with depression. With all profits from the book being donated to our life-saving work, Behind the Smile explores themes of love, shame and our understanding of life, and is a must-read for all families affected by depression. Buy a copy today from the JustGiving page and let’s end the loneliness and isolation of depression together.

Everlasting friendship.

Whether it’s by accident or it was fate,

this friend becomes real and truly a gift.

Friendship that could change us,

a friendship that can go through challenges,

long distance but still have a strong friendship.

Nothing has changed!

Nothing could could come between us!

The Law of Attraction/ The Secret

“Your life is in your hands. No matter where you are now, no matter
what has happened in your life, you can begin to consciously choose your thoughts, and you can change your life. There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single circumstance of
your life can change!” – The Secret”

what love should be?

I think of you day and night. All my dreams are about you. All my fantasies are about you. You are in all my love poems and all my love songs. I feel you in every love story I read. I can never stop loving you and no situation in my life can stop me from loving you. If I get a billion dollars I would build a dream house for you and me. If I get to go on a tour around the world I would take you with me to fall in love with you in every nook and corner of the world.. If I could have a superpower I would time freeze the moment when you kiss me. If I get to time travel I would take you with me in my past lives and fall in love with you all over again. AND even if I die I will be born again to love you all over again…. Aarti Khurana” 

Don’t we all wish that this kind of love wasn’t so hard to find? I am thinking about this as we should have this kind of love and support for everybody in our lives.

Evolution of the Self On the paradoxes of personality by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

”’3 Ways to Keep Cool When Life Gets out of Control
Frustration can set you back. Evolve past it.
Published on April 19, 2011 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self”’

you’re minding your own business. You’ve taken all due precautions. You haven’t had a mental lapse. You’ve been responsible and conscientious. You haven’t hurt anyone, or done anything wrong.

You’re innocent.

And then, out of the blue, someone at the supermarket abruptly turns into your aisle, sneezes in your face—and you end up with the flu. Or, while dutifully following a traffic signal, you stop at a light that just turned red—and are promptly rear-ended. Or you meticulously plan a family reunion picnic—only to have the occasion ruined by a most unseasonable, never-forecast thunderstorm. Or, jogging at twilight, listening to your iPod, you trip on a barely visible sidewalk crack—and fracture an ankle. Or your broker, who came highly recommended by trustworthy friends, crafts a portfolio of equities, all of which turn out to be duds.

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Get the picture?

I’ve come to view such mishaps, or setbacks, as “fines for being alive.” These are fines you can pretty much count on having to pay at some point. Just by virtue of occupying space on planet Earth, from time to time, and without advanced warning, life will deal you a slight, an insult, an undeserved blow of some kind that you can’t experience as anything but unjust.

Why do I find this concept so intriguing? Simply because—personally and as a therapist—I’ve come to believe that discovering how to accept the bad things that gratuitously happen to you—even how to take them in stride—is absolutely crucial if you’re to achieve a steady, virtually unshakeable, state of well-being.

Let’s face it: There are an abundance of things over which you can exert only limited control. So if you’re to overcome the various barriers that temporarily block you from objects of your desire, it’s critical to learn how to maintain emotional poise in the face of them. Even though these obstacles may temporarily deter you, you still need to hold onto your composure and doggedly continue to pursue your goals. Sure, your progress may be impeded, but it doesn’t really have to end. Although your destination may be reached later than you’d hoped, as long as you don’t falter you’ll get there all the same. When, through no fault of your own, things just don’t seem to be going your way, it’s essential that you figure out how not to lose your way.

There are times in our life when we may feel besieged by events seemingly contrived, almost demonically, to overwhelm us. Nonetheless, our capacity for control during these times—our ultimate power—is to expand our space to include such disappointments, challenges, provocations, and demands. And, despite such adversity, to hang tough and resolutely adhere to our life path.

How easy, or difficult, is this to do? In general, I’d say the ability to adapt to life’s frustrations varies in proportion to your personal evolution. Adjusting or accommodating to below-the-belt blows of “outrageous fortune” hardly hinges on some inborn personality trait either. For the most part, it simply reflects how much you’ve been able to learn from painful lessons in your past. And being able to make allowances for, and come to terms with, all that interferes with your desires doesn’t really come naturally. It’s something that requires conscious cultivation. So when something blatantly unfair happens to you, be ever-mindful of how (between your ears) you process it.

You need to carefully mull over how you’re going to respond to anything keenly felt as an injustice. Succumbing to the temptation to react withimpulsive anger may offer the immediate consolation of feeling righteous,self-righteous, or morally superior. But the associated cost of taking this low road to “re-empowerment” is that it inevitably sacrifices your inner tranquility and peace of mind. And the more you invest your vital stores of energy in getting back at whatever you perceive as having harmed you, the more likely you are to turn immediate setbacks into chronic limitations and constraints. In which case your choosing (however unwittingly) not to “get on with it,” not to move forward in your life’s journey, becomes no one’s responsibility but your own. Inadvertently, it’s you yourself who has blocked the way to your satisfaction and fulfillment.

So, when you’re suddenly taken aback by one of life’s periodic fines, how can you best respond?

Here are my three “A’s” for quickly moving beyond unwelcome obstacles in your path:

  • Assess. Ask yourself just how serious this particular “fine” is. Might you be exaggerating its importance? In the moment, that unwelcome “tariff” (or “life tax”) may feel awful, perhaps even catastrophic. But, upon painstaking reflection, is it possibly not that much more than an annoyance, or inconvenience? Finally, how much of your life, if any, do you actually want or need to devote to it?
  • Accept. Just acknowledge that you’ve been fined for, well, nothing. Remind yourself that it makes little sense to stew over whatever misfortune you’ve unexpectedly been subject to. Make up your mind not to let it bother you anymore than absolutely necessary.
  • Act. Now that you’ve decided not to waste your mental and emotional energy by obsessing upon or brooding over your bad luck, or by ruminating about how you might retaliate, what’s the best action to take? How can you best cope with this setback? Might you work around it? Do you need temporarily to put something aside to effectively deal with it? Would it help to get a friend, or professional, to assist you?

Or might it suffice simply to let out a single, extended, self-compassionate sigh—and then, life-affirmingly, begin to put it all behind you?

And once you’ve become proficient in implementing this fairly straightforward problem-resolution procedure, go ahead and give yourselfan “A,” too.

 

Hi Everyone,  as you know I have started a group for live a life of love within yourself; I’m hoping that the group will let my followers feel comfortable about talking to me and or other people who in this group.     If you don’t feel comfortable, you can send me a facebook message.   I really would love to get my idea of helping people thought depression or even people who just need someone to talk to.  I know this might sound kind of crazy;  but this is my dream to help those in this world who feel alone,  worthless,  hopeless and unloved.   This is my mission,  I want to give back hope and I want to show everyone that love is everything.

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Do something now that will make the person you’ll be tomorrow proud to have been the person you are today. -unknown

Just a quick post;  I am working on a facebook group for me to better help others.   So if you are on facebook please look up the group and let me know what you think!   Thanks.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/335116573314607.

”Nobody has a perfect life. Everybody has their own problems. Some people just know how to deal with it in a better way.”

Life is not perfect but it is mostly about how you look at it that could help you get through some of the hardest days!   The way you view life can help you get through anything.   Think about what you have and anthers are fighting to get their next meal,.  There are many things that we can be thankful for each day even if the day is hard!

Can’t Buy Happiness? Money, personality, and well-being by Ryan T. Howell, Ph.D. 5 Things Happy People Do Every Day (and You Can, Too) Money can’t buy happiness, unless you spend it the right way.

My research team and I just completed a study to examine the differences in how happy people live their lives compared to people who are unhappy. Because we were interested in several characteristics of happy people, including the relationship between money and happiness, we examined the predictors of happiness from 30 different surveys. These surveys measured people’s spending habits, consumer choices, values, and personality traits.
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What Is Fair?
Wired for fairness.
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The results indicated that happy people make 5 little decisions every day that improve their well-being. What are these 5 importance differences between happy and unhappy people, based on our recent consumer behavior studies?

Happy people think about the past fondly.
Perhaps unique among all animals, humans have the capacity to travel backward and forward in time—to use the “specious present” both to relive past life events and to think about the future. Our data shows that happy people appear to relive the ecstasy, but ignoring the agony, of days gone by. When happy people think about their past they focus on their good memories instead of dwelling on the negatives.

Happy people “catch” the emotions of others.
Some sensitive people are vulnerable to experiencing others’ emotions—they can “catch” them during joyful (and sorrowful) experiences. Our data shows that when someone smiles warmly at happy people, they smile back and feel warm inside. Therefore, if you pay more attention to the positive emotions of other people, you should become be happier.

Happy people live in a great community.
A person is happiest when three basic psychological needs are satisfied: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Literally thousands of studies demonstrate the positive effect of psychological need satisfaction on happiness. Our data shows that these psychological needs can be met by one’s community. Happy people say that they feel belongingness where they live and that they look forward to coming home when they have been away.

Happy people manage their money well.
Something that any of us can do every day is to make a budget and track our financial transactions so we don’t make impulsive purchases. Research suggests that individuals will manage their money better when they have a clear goal—for example, paying off a credit card, saving for a comfortable retirement, or starting an emergency fund. Our data shows that if you manage your money better today, you will be happier tomorrow.

Happy people spend their money on life experiences instead of material items.
Almost 10 years of research has investigated the effects of investing money in life experiences, as opposed to material items. There is now robust evidence that when people spend their money on life experiences they are happier than when they spend on material goods. However, our data further shows that people who habitually spend their money on life experiences are happier than people who tend to buy material items.

Time charges everything,  no-matter if it’s good or hard to deal with .  But if you have love things does not seem as bad it is what helps the hard times easier to handle.   We all have those times where nothing seems to go right;  for some of us it’s easier than others.  That doesn’t mean everyone of us needs to have someone who can give us love and comfort when we need it the most.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/26/depression-frustrations_n_5692649.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

There’s been a lot of dialogue surrounding depression — particularly in light of recent events — as people struggle to understand why and how it affects people in the ways that it does. And for the 350 million people worldwide who do struggle with the condition, it can be just as hard to articulate its effects as it is to understand it.

Depression can make people feel like their minds have completely rebelled against them. From a lack of will to physical pain, it can cause people to function poorly at work, in school and in social activities, according to the World Health Organization. Many people who experience depression can also experience symptoms of anxiety.

But those factors are just the start. Below, find nine things people with depression know to be true (and what others can do to help alleviate them).

The frustration that comes when someone suggests you can “snap out of it.”
suck it up

The hard truth is, depression is not the sort of thing you can just wake up and be over one morning — and suggesting such may be sending an unsupportive message. According to John F. Greden, M.D., the executive director of the University of Michigan Comprehensive Depression Center, these phrases often stem from a lack of understanding of mental illness.

“When [loved ones] don’t understand what’s happening, their responses are ‘suck it up’ and ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself,'” Greden tells The Huffington Post. “It’s not understood that these are underlying illnesses and chemical abnormalities, so what they’ll do is use these phrases. … These comments are probably one of the worst irritations.”

People constantly confusing depression with sadness.
It’s a common misconception that depression is just a result of being overly sad. But as David Kaplan, Ph.D., chief professional officer of the American Counseling Association, stresses, the two are not one and the same.

“People throw around the word ‘depressed’ a lot,” Kaplan previously told HuffPost Healthy Living. “Depression is a clinical term — and a lot of times when people say they’re depressed, they really mean sad. The words that we use are very powerful and it’s important to make that distinction.”

There is no such thing as a little victory.
victory

For those who deal with chronic depression, there are no little victories because every accomplishment is a big victory.

While everyday, routine motions come naturally to most people, for someone who is depressed, they are much harder feats, explains Jonathan Rottenberg, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at the University of South Florida. “Why do depressed people lie in bed? It isn’t because of great snuggle time under the blankets. It’s because depressed people can’t bring themselves to get out of bed,” he wrote in a Psychology Today blog. “Almost any activity or task becomes a painful ordeal, even things as simple as taking a shower or getting dressed.”

Lack of energy means more than your run-of-the-mill afternoon slump.
That 3 p.m. slump you feel when you need your third cup of coffee hardly compares to the drop in energy that occurs when you’re in a depressed state. Because of this lack of motivation, depression can sometimes make you feel like your muscles don’t work, Greden explains. “It makes it really difficult to go to work, to concentrate, to laugh, to keep your focus on assignments, when you’re hurting in this way,” he says.

There are physical symptoms — and they’re just as taxing as the emotional ones.
pain

“At one point, everyone considered depression to be a mood state, and that’s a huge misconception,” Greden says. “Depression, for most people, actually involves major physical symptoms. And as a result, people don’t consider themselves depressed and they think something else is wrong.”

When someone experiences depression, physical ailments you already have can be made worse, Greden explains. Other physical symptoms include restlessness, indigestion, nausea, headaches, and joint and muscle fatigue. “These physical symptoms as well as the mood symptoms affect their routine life patterns,” he notes. “They’re all tied together.”

Things that used to be fun aren’t quite as enjoyable.
Depression can impact even the smallest pleasures in life. Hanging out with friends, fun activities like golfing and even intimacy with romantic partners all seem less exciting than they were before, Greden says. “Depression makes your life dramatically different.”

This lack of interest, coupled with the physical symptoms, are all major red flags when it comes to identifying the condition. To help someone who may be experiencing this downturn, Greden suggests approaching him or her with an open mind and continuous support, which includes offering to help find treatment.

The difficulty that comes with communicating your emotions.
communicating

When you’re experiencing depression, it can be challenging to put into words what’s going on in your mind when you know that not everyone around you feels the same way — especially when there’s a stigma around your illness. Only 25 percent of adults who experience mental health issues feel that people are sympathetic toward people struggling with mental illness, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

“Depression is a negative view of self, of the world and of the future,” Greden explains. “Everything is sort of being seen through dark-colored glasses. … It’s pretty common, when people are depressed, for them to think that no one understands them — and that’s a really tough place to be.”

The disorder is not one-size-fits-all.
faces

Each person experiences depression in his or her own way — and because of this, experts recommend practicing empathy with loved ones who may be struggling. “Symptoms differ, causes differ, treatments differ,” Greden explains. “Jobs, relationships, families — everything gets changed by this illness.”

As HuffPost blogger Hannah Sentenac explains in a piece on life lessons she learned from depression, everyone’s journey is different: “For some people, medication is crucial. For others, long term psychotherapy might be the answer,” she wrote. “Whatever works. I’m not suggesting that my path is best for anyone but me. But I am suggesting that everyone has a path to healing — and the most important thing is to keep after it. Don’t give up.”

There are ways to help others break through the throes of depression, Greden says. That includes shedding any thoughts that could be perpetuating a stigma about mental health. “We need so much more openness, transparency and understanding that it’s OK to talk about depression as an illness,” he explains. “It’s not a weakness. It’s not a moral shortcoming. It’s not something people brought on themselves. And understanding that is a pretty powerful beginning to helping a loved one with depression.”

Have a story about depression that you’d like to share? Email strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com, or give us a call at (860) 348-3376, and you can record your story in your own words. Please be sure to include your name and phone number.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Life is  meant to be shared with those you love.

, ”I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.

~ Gandhi”

If you own and accept who you are, even if it’s a different version than yesterday, other people will accept you too. -Kate Northrup

“Disability is not a brave struggle or ‘courage in the face of adversity.’ Disability is an art. It’s an ingenious way to live.”
– Neil Marcus’

Five Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Quit from; http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201408/breaking-is-hard-do/five-questions-ask-yourself-you-quit

Yes, the adage tells you that “winners never quit and quitters never win” but the truth is that, at one point or another in our lives, most of us will have to let go of a relationship, a job, an endeavor dear to our hearts, or a goal and move on. Transitions are a fact of life. How well we manage a given transition and the act of reinventing ourselves depends on many things—among them, habits of mind, personality, and mind-set, as my book Mastering the Art of Quitting explains in detail—but before you make a move, you need to ask yourself the following five questions. Answer them honestly and you’ll have a better idea of what this period of transition is going to feel like for you, and what problems and opportunities it will present. 1. Am I good at anticipating how I’ll feel and react? 

Most of us are actually pretty bad at predicting our behaviors and thoughts because the problem with tomorrow is that it hasn’t happened yet. In addition, numerous experiments show that people tend to believe that their best and most idealized selves will show up when the going gets tough. I’ve mentioned this study in another post but it’s worth repeating because it’s a dynamite example.  Psychologists Julia Woodzicka and  Marianne LaFrance asked women ages 18-21 to predict how they would react if  they found themselves being harassed by a very intrusive and rude male interviewer in his early thirties. Most of the participants were sure that they’d be proactive and take charge—telling the guy off or even walking out. But when the researchers had the same women take part in what they believed was an actual interview for a lab position under the same circumstances that had been described theoretically, they acted very differently than they’d anticipated. They were much, much meeker and accepting.

We all tend to think about the future in an over-simplified way, both in terms of our own responses and the situation itself, whether we’re anticipating dealing with bosses, spouses, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We don’t take into account that we might feel ambivalent in the moment, or that the situation might end up being less straightforward than we anticipated.

When you think about how you’ll feel once you’ve quit that relationship, paint a picture that includes feelings of sadness and regret, not just the joys of liberation and starting over. Ditto on that job you’re so sick of; you’ll probably feel some relief but it’s likely to be mixed in with anxiety about where you’re going next and how you’re going to get there. The bottom line is to do what you can to imagine the future in a nuanced, in-depth way; just thinking positively or being overly optimistic will actually leave you unprepared for how difficult the transition is likely to be.

2.  How conservative am I?

This question isn’t about politics but whether or not you focus on what you’ve already invested in whatever it is—your work, a relationship, an endeavor, a long-term goal—you’re thinking about quitting. Even though we all like to think of ourselves as creative risk-takers, the truth is that, as the work of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Twersky showed, human beings are universally loss-averse and far more motivated to avoid a loss than they are enticed by the possibility of gain. If you tend to think in terms of what you’ve sunk into the situation (that’s why it’s called the  “sunk-cost fallacy”), the likelihood is that you’re going to have a lot of trouble leaving it and, if you do manage to get your foot out the door, you’ve going to be stewing about what you’ve lost. Know this about yourself to begin with, and work on reframing your thoughts to focus on the possibilities inherent in the future you haven’t yet encountered.

3.  How do I define myself?

Studies show that the more central whatever it is that you’re planning to leave is to your sense of self, the greater the recovery time and uncertainty once you do quit. According to the work of psychologist Patricia Linville, the people who handle stress best and do better in times of transition are those who have more complex definitions of self; they are more buffered from negative emotional fallout when they have to quit something or are fired because they have other positive and continuing definitions of self which sustain them during times of stress.

Getting a bead on how you define yourself needs to be done first so that you can better anticipate the sense of upheaval you may experience. This profound sense of dislocation can happen even when you’ve chosen to switch paths, as the late William Bridges, author of the book Transitions, discovered after he willingly gave up his career as a college professor and could no longer answer the question “What do you do?” directly. It doesn’t matter whether the definition you’re relinquishing is professor or sales manager, stock trader or lawyer, Dan’s wife or Susan’s husband; what matters is how central it is to your sense of self. The closer what you’re leaving is to your core, the greater your sense of free fall will be.

4. How do I manage uncertainty?

Whether you are motivated by approach or avoidance is going to determine how sanguine you’re going to feel and how well you’re going to do when you’ve quit or have been fired from one thing and there’s no plan B in sight. It could equally be in the area of work or relationship.

You need to take an honest inventory of your motivations. If the arc of your career or love life has been distinguished by avoiding failure—choosing the most reliable path, or the least challenging, or the one that involves the least amount of risk—starting over is going to be harder for you than it will for someone who is comfortable with making mistakes. The work of Andrew J. Elliott and Todd M. Thrash suggests that “approach” and “avoidance” are key aspects of personality. Avoiding failure will, for example, keep you persisting at a task that is doomed to failure, as one study by Heather C. Lench and Linda J. Levin showed. After testing people for approach and avoidance motivation, the researchers gave the participants three sets of seven anagrams to solve in a timed test; the first set was unsolvable. People motivated by approach quit working on the set when they realized persistence wouldn’t pay off; those motivated to avoid failure kept going, and got both stuck and more agitated.

Try to assess yourself honestly; you’re not helping yourself by overstatement or fudging. What motivates you: Fear of failure or the possibility of success? When you hit a snag or obstacle, how flexible are you? Can you change directions or is your default always to stay the course? Take some time and look back over your past experiences and analyze what motivated you and when; you will learn a lot about yourself and how skilled you will be during a transition.

5. How do I manage stress?

The playing field isn’t level, alas, and some of us are better at coping with stress and pressure than others. Make no bones about it: Leaving one thing you know and directing your energies to the unknown future are very stressful. Psychologists have determined that there are two kinds of coping styles, one called “action-oriented” and the other “state-oriented.” These traits may explain why two people with similar goals, talents, and abilities may experience very different outcomes—with one flailing and the other successfully navigating his or her way through the inevitable twists and turns of life. If life were a simple upward trajectory, human beings wouldn’t need to be able to manage their thoughts and feelings.

Action-oriented people manage their emotions effectively, don’t get easily sidetracked, don’t rely on external cues for motivation, and are able to act decisively. If things start to so south, the action-oriented put thoughts of failure out of their minds and focus on what they can do to get their goals met and the obstacles overcome. The state-oriented need structure and deadlines to get going, are sensitive to and need external cues, tend to procrastinate, and have trouble managing negative thoughts. When things go wrong, they tend to get swept up in rumination and second-guessing.

There are ways of improving how you manage your thoughts and emotions but knowing whether you fall into one category or the other will help you prepare for the inevitable stress and strains of transition. Keep in mind that all of life is just a series of transitions. And that, as Lao Tzu put it, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

 

Copyright © 2014  Peg Streep

I have Cerebral palsy; ”Cerebral palsy is a term which encompasses a set of neurological conditions that cause physical disability in human development – they affect the brain and nervous system. The word cerebral refers to the area in the brain that is affected, while palsy means complete or partial muscle paralysis, frequently accompanied by loss of sensation and uncontrollable body movements or tremors. Cerebral means related to the brain or cerebrum. Cerebrum is a Latin word meaning “brain; top of the head, skull”. In the English language the cerebrum is the anterior (front) portion of the brain consisting of two hemispheres; it is the dominant part of the brain in humans.”   I don’t let CP control my life, I am a so called normal life.  I have been through a lot in my life and to those times I have a life of my own,  this is why I want to write to try to help others!

Thought for this Sunday.

You can’t really begin to appreciate life until it has knocked you down a few times. You can’t really begin to appreciate love until your heart has been broken. And you can’t really begin to appreciate happiness until you’ve known sadness. Once you’ve walked through the valley, the view at the mountaintop is breathtaking. ~Susan Gale.

My special friend

In my life there are so many people who have made an impact in my life.  This one person who I have been so lucky to get to call her my special friend  Knowing her;  when she reads this she is going to get me for this but I wanted to do something special for her.   She is the kind of person that will be there by my side for anything if she could;  you know when you meet someone and you just know that you are meant to be friends!   I don’t know how or how we got to be so close friends but I know this I’m never letting her go!  She gave me this book named “footprints”, after we heard a song called “footprints in the sand”. On days I’m down or just when I need to get my mind off things I read it. The footprints poem is one of my favorites.. Here it is; “One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to me and one to my Lord. When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand and to my surprise I notices that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma. ‘Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You. You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I’m aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don’t understand why, when I needed You most You leave me’ He whispered ‘my precious child, I love you and will never leave you never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you’.”

Having hope

Some days can be hard

what do you when life does not go as you had hoped?

Do you know who to talk to when life is not going your way?

You can also write out your feelings

Don’t keep them in.

Hope is knowing that you are not alone

You have the support that you need.

 

Interesting read

Our minds create many thoughts that can lead to our being unhappy, the key phrase being, our minds create. The thoughts and beliefs that we hold affect everything about us. Here in the United States, and in most of the developed world, people are consumed by consumerism. So much of our unhappiness comes from wishing that things were different, wishing that we had something else instead of what we dohave.I remember meeting a woman once who had a beautiful daughter. She was very happy with her daughter, but she really wanted another child. Even though her husband and daughter loved her, she was utterly unhappy because she didn’t have a second child. All of her mental energy, all of her mental commentary, went toward that focus and because of that, she suffered greatly. Those of us not in her situation may think that’s funny, or odd, but her story is a lesson I hope can encourage all of us to spend some time, maybe even at this very moment, to reflect upon the question, “In my own life, what am I focused on that I don’t have?

I can guarantee that if we focus on what we don’t have, we’re going to be unhappy, and we’re going to suffer. Our unhappiness can stem from anything that we’re focusing on. Maybe we think we’ll be happy when we lose those extra 50 pounds. Maybe happiness will come when we reach a certain financial level. Maybe when we get that promotion. Maybe we’ll finally be happy when we meet our soul mate and begin a new life together. Or maybe, when we have a child, then we’ll finally be happy. The list can become endless because the moment we fulfill one of our desires, a new one takes its place, and we just continue to suffer. We may want to be healthy, we may want to get a better grade at school, we may want our first car—the list can be endless.

In many ways, our lives are like that of the mythological king Sisyphus, sentenced to the eternal punishment of rolling a large boulder up a hill. But every time he reached the top, the boulder would roll back down, and he would have to start all over again; it never ended. I think sometimes our minds are like that—they just don’t stop. No matter what we desire or wish for, at any age, something else will come along and we’ll say, “Now I want that.” It’s almost shocking if you think about it, and it can continue throughout our lives.

Young children, for example, can’t wait to get presents on their birthday or Christmas morning. But often, and shockingly fast, they tire of their new toys and move on to something else. Does this really ever change? As we get older, our new toys become bigger and grander—a car, a home, a spouse—and yet we can still tire of them and move on. We want something different, something more.

We’re unhappy with what we have, and we’re always yearning after something different.

How do we get off this continuous and debilitating treadmill? Is there any freedom from our Sisyphean task? Yes—and it’s actually shockingly simple. All we have to do is be happy with what we have.

Again: All we have to do is be happy and be focused on what we have right here, right now.

But how do we do this in our daily life, when our minds so quickly tend to want to focus again on what we don’t have? A lot of it has to do with realizing that this type of thinking is not going to help us. We have to really believe that focusing on what we don’t have is going to cause us suffering. We have to believe that focusing on what we do have right now, what we’re blessed with, is going to put a smile on our face. In many ways, this is as powerful as E=MC2, and just as beautiful and simple. All we have to do is focus on what we have and not focus on what we don’t have. We have to be happy with what we have and not think about what we don’t have.

It’s that simple, that elegant, and that beautiful.

We have to realize that this changed philosophy isn’t going to make the marketers and advertisers of the world very happy. They spend billions of dollars trying to get us to be unhappy with how things are now, so that we’ll want something different, so that we’ll feel “less than.” Otherwise, we’re not going to spend money to buy what they’re selling. I don’t want to blame it only on the marketers, though. We’re just as guilty because we do the same thing to ourselves: We think about what other people have—success, possessions, love, whatever it may be. And because we’re thinking about what they have and what we don’t, we become unhappy. What if, instead, we focused on all the beautiful things that we have in our lives? Some of us may have less than others, but we can all still have a beautiful life.

If you don’t know this about me already, I really love to spend time at monasteries. When you choose to live a monastic life, you give up just about everything. Yet the people who live these simple lives are often the happiest people I have ever met in my entire life. They can have virtually nothing, as we know it, and still focus on what they do have. They may not have material possessions, but they have a love of life, right here, right now—and they’re very happy.

Why can’t we do the same? Why can’t we focus on what we do have? Maybe we have a beautiful family, even though we might not have the nicest house in the neighborhood. Maybe we don’t feel very well physically sometimes, but we are free and able to go for walks in natureand can enjoy being outside. Maybe we haven’t yet found the love of our life, but we have friends who care about us whom we get to spend time with. The list of things we do have can go on for a long time if we start focusing on them and celebrating them it. Again, it doesn’t have to be much: Just going for a walk in the early morning, when everything is peaceful and still, can bring us happiness beyond our wildest imagination. Just connecting with friends can be more valuable than staying at the world’s grandest hotel. The list of what we do have and what we can focus on can go on and on. By realizing what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t, we discover one of the key secrets of happiness.

Once we do this, then we can live a beautiful, happy, fulfilled life.

me

I would like to tell you my story. At six months old I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. The doctor informed my parents about a special “home” that could take care of me. I probably would never recognize anybody, talk or even hold my head… they were to concentrate on my two teenage brothers. But my family did not follow his advice. They worked with me, fussed over my simple achievements and encouraged me never to give up. My brothers showed me off with pride…Yes, there are many things that I will never be able to do. My speech is not always clear, my arms tend to have a mind of their own and yes, Life can be hard but if you give it your best you will be surprised with what you may achieve. Everybody is different! Even people without disabilities can’t do everything. So, I look for what I am good at and make the best of it.I guess it is easier to just use the disability as an excuse and not to try to achieve. But that is not how to LIVE LIFE, that is to just exist. I don’t expect to be treated differently. Actually I DON’T WANT to be treated differently. I had to fight for the right to be allowed to attend regular classes. Why? I do not think with my legs! But when I went on stage to get my “real” high school diploma all those months of struggle became history.Even though I have a disability it often makes it hard to do things on my own my friends and family help me understand that I can do anything I set my mind to, including my faith . My faith in god has always helped me realize that I am normal although I talk funny. When I have a day where my body tends to have a mind of its own moving fast I like to think of it as dance moves that come natural . People with disabilities deserve to be allowed to achieve their best like anybody else, whatever that might be. But… like everybody else they must earn rights and respect! Do not give up. Look for the rainbow after every storm! Make the best of your LIFE!

I hoping to show people who are disabled that they anything.

words

”Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. -Mother Teresa”. I wish there were ways to help everyone that I meet; you can’t work through no-matter how much you think you have moved on. People grief differently, we need to have somebody to talk to. But I have learned that sometimes you just give someone a smile and the love will make help more than anything else.

 

”No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -Aesop”
Kindness is important!  Today we don’t think about this; to help someone who is in need; all you need to do is let them know that you are there for them whenever.   And also that they are loved.

Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?
Love can be hard sometimes, but most of the time
Love is one of thing that can get through the hardest times.
This life can get so busy
but let’s remember to always show loved ones;
how much they are loved!

Life is full of differences,  everyone is created difficulty!  Then why are we all afraid of differences.   I have a disability which I didn’t care that I am different.   I know it’s not always easy to be the one always left out because people don’t think we all have that in common; but if people could see that we are all different , it would make life so much easier if we don’t understand that being is amazing.  So how can we all work together?

Bringing both topics together.

”Disability is the consequence of an impairment that may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental, or some combination of these. A disability may be present from birth, or occur during a person’s lifetime.”  You might be wondering how I can talk about these two very different topics in one blog.  Well I think that depression is also a kind of disability;  there are so many different kinds that we realized it sometimes. We all have some kind of disability;  we need people around us who can support and love us the way we are.  Life of today wants us to believe that being different is bad as if something is wrong with you.   Have you ever thought about what being different means to you or maybe even to everyone ?  Does it mean having a disability or that you think differently from your friends?   Well here is what I think about disabilities if we are different from each other and having a disability means being disabled then doesn’t that mean we all have some kind of disability!

Ms. Wheelchair American

This weekend I was in Long Beach, California, for Ms. Wheelchair American 2015.  It’s a comparison to get women in wheelchairs to that do amazing things even though other people may think that just because people use wheelchairs that they can not have a normal life; they are in chairs does not mean that they can’t have a great life,  Well it was more for other people that don’t see a disability as normal.   This comparison is not about how they look it’s more about what they do.  Imagine you were able to walk and do everything in your daily life without needing help.   Having the doctor says that you can’t walk again for some of the woman,  that is what they went through that;  but now they did the Ms. Wheelchair pageant.   It was my second time to be apart of this amazing event;  the first time I went as Ms. Wheelchair Colorado 2010.  Let me just say that week was the best week,  to have a week where they are people who going through the same things as you felt awesome.   I learned so much about myself too.  Now I am the coordinator for Ms. Wheelchair Colorado;  this organization is so amazing.   I know I’m a depression writer;  now I am going to be writing about both topics,  they do both need are important to me.

What is Love?

Love in never changing

Love is everything

Love is sadness

Love is happiest

Love is always around you

Love might not always be felt,

But it’s everywhere we go!

 

this is so true!

”’Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You could tell them anything and they would never judge you. This person is your soul mate, your best friend. Don’t ever let them go.”

”Love is never lost. If not reciprocated it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. -Washington Irving”

This is so true love is not something that you can ever lose no-matter if someone moves away!   Everything can change but love is the one thing that never changes!

All you will ever need!

This life is meant to be with others,  supporting,  loving and more.   We all want and need to have the feeling of being loved so much that nothing else matters!   Do you have that feeling?     Family is not only the people who have same name as you, family can also be the people who you are close to.   We were made to need to have love in our lives.  Happiness comes from love and knowing that you have all you need!  Think of your best friends;  what do they to let you know that if you need them,  they are going to be there for you?   How can you not say that is happiness!

 

Seven Basics to Fostering Love and Happiness

 

The lens by which we each view love and happiness is unique. There is no textbook formula. However, there are things you can do routinely to foster love and happiness:

  1. Love and take care of you.
  2. Be humble and kind to others.
  3. Stay calm and be patient with others.
  4. Be gracious in all things.
  5. Discover what brings peace.
  6. Express gratitude for life.
  7. Do these things daily.

You can also find Dr. Savion on her website, Google+, Twitter, Linkedin andFacebook.

 

Overcome the hard times! 

What or who makes you happy?
Is it what you do?

Is it a place your home?

Your family and friends?
Are they always there when you need comfort?
Do you have a great place where you can go to have some time for yourself?
How do you get to your happy place,  is it by writing or talking to a loved one?

Do let sadness get you find your own way to overcome the hard times!

”Never let your tears and sensitivity blind you. if someone hurt you, they showed you who they are. Stay strong and keep moving.”.  Don’t let others bring you down, never try to be someone you are not.   Always show your true self!

 

Effective Ways of Treating Depression

Step I: The person identifies the content of his or her negative thought process. He or she is taught to articulate any self-attacks in the second person (i.e. “You are so stupid. No one respects you.”) The person is encouraged to say the attack as he or she hears it or experiences it. If the person is holding back feelings, he or she is encouraged to express them.

Step II: The person discusses insights and reactions to verbalizing the voice. He or she attempts to understand the relationship between voice attacks and early life experiences. The objective here is to help the person to develop compassion for themselves.

Step III: The person answers back to the voice attacks. This is often a cathartic experience. Afterwards, it is important for the person to make a rational statement about how he or she really is, how other people really are, what is true about his or her social world from his or her own point of view (i.e. I am not stupid. I have a lot of good qualities that people respect me for.”)

Step IV: The person is encouraged to explore how the voice attacks are influencing his or her present-day behaviors.

Step V: The person then collaborates with the therapist to plan changes in these behaviors. The person is encouraged to resist engaging in self-destructive behavior dictated by his or her negative thoughts and to also increase the positive behaviors these negative thoughts discourage.

What Is Depression?

Some 15 million Americans struggle with depression—an illness that comes in many forms—from major depression and seasonal affective disorder, to dysthymia and bipolar disorder. Depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It interferes with daily life, normal functioning, and causes pain for both the person with the disorder and those who care about him or her.

A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely “pull themselves together” and get better.

Depression, even in the most severe cases, is a highly treatable disorder. As with many illnesses, the earlier that treatment can begin, the more effective it is and the greater the likelihood that recurrence can be prevented.

 

5 ways to be happy

1; Try to think of something that brings you happiness.
2; Go for a walk be in nature.

3; Give your time to someone who is in-need.
4;   Think about good memories.
5;  always love others!

Who is your best friend and why?  Is it because you have lots in common or is it that your best friend friend is always there when needed?   Best friends know when something is not going right in your world,  sometimes even before you tell them.   Someone who always has your back when life gets to hard for you to handle on your own.  Even though we think we can live life on own we can’t there are some time that we all will need to have somebody to talk to.  Having a friend like that is important!

“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose for all that we deeply love becomes a part of us.”~ Helen Keller

There could never be enough love! This world is hurting for more love,  more comfort and hope!

Present-moment living, getting in touch with your ”now,” is at the heart of effective living. When you think about it, there really is no other moment you can live. Now is all there is, and the future is just another present moment to live when it arrives. One thing is certain, you cannot live it until it does appear.

~ Wayne Dyer

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